"Well I'm all grown up now. Can you still help somehow? I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream."- Monica
I kind of stole this from a friend, but I have actually always loved this song, particularly this rendition.
When you're a child, Christmas is so often a magical holiday even when you learn there's really no Santa Claus. For one day a year, people make a wholehearted effort to focus on their friends and family. Joy comes from the face of the recipient of that present that you pounded the pavement for hours searching for. Food and drink are aplenty. You can sing corny songs that have been around forever and no one looks at you crazy.
Yet, I'm knowing more and more adults who don't celebrate or acknowledge Christmas because it is a "kid's holiday." Screw that.
I still express a childlike enthusiasm for this time of year. Christmas songs are on my Ipod. I have presents to wrap today. Grandma got pies and cakes waiting for me. Good times.
So for 2011, going into 2012, I am sharing my grown up Christmas list.
1. A permanent full-time job.
2. Healthy additions to my family. (Not me, I swear.)
3. A willingness to take greater chances in the coming year that will reap for even greater reward.
4. For my friends and family closest to me to share in this willingness.
5. Positivity surrounding me as much as possible.
6. More money.
7. Tyrese.
8. All that stuff they sing about in the aforementioned song.
9. Tyrese. (Hey, may just get it right if you say it twice.)
"Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you..."- Mariah Carey
It's Friday. I wanted to share a feel-good song. I love Mariah. I'm happy she is getting a BET Honor. I love this song. So I figured that I would share it. Muah. See you later.
"We can hardly stand the wait. Please Christmas don't be late."- The Chipmunks
I am a Christmas person.
I look forward to blasting the Christmas music. I do the Christmas tree and send out
Christmas cards. Yes, I am that person.
But, for some reason, this year, it’s taking a little bit
more effort for some reason. My
Christmas shopping was completed weeks ago.
Last night, I forced myself upon the throngs of shoppers in the local
Meijer to seek out a Christmas tree and decorations. And when I got home, I arranged them in a way
that I deemed desirable. And it turned
out pretty.
Today, I am sitting here gathering the materials to write
out my Christmas cards for the year.
Normally, this is a day or weekend after Thanksgiving event, but alas, I
was at home. Actually, that’s normally
when I put up my tree too.
Maybe I’m just thrown off by my strict adherence to that
timeline in previous years. One thing I
do know is that my apartment does feel a little cheerier. Plus, I feel it’s important to compel
yourself to engage in those activities which you know you will ultimately enjoy
especially when the only person who may benefit is you and the only reward is a
smile. We tend to force ourselves to
participate in everything else.
“I
break tradition. Sometimes my tries are outside the lines.”- Natasha
Bedingfield
Oh
how Natasha Bedingfield often sings my heart and mind. And you have to love that
name.
Anyway,
today’s blog was inspired by two events in popular culture.
Last
night, I was watching the AMAs on my television and via Twitter. Taylor Swift won quite a few awards and I
noticed that my timelines erupted with much support for Kanye’s treatment of
Swift a couple of years ago at the VMA’s.
For the record, I believed Kanye was rude then and I still believe he
was rude now. From where I stood, Swift
did nothing to West. She just won an
award that he believed belonged to another artist. However, for those of us who don’t mind
venturing to radio stations that play Top 100 fare, we know you couldn’t turn
the radio on without hearing her songs.
She was as inescapable as the Beyonce that she won against.
I
digress. So let’s move on to today. A
story was released that spoke of how those attending Nascar event booed First
Lady Michelle Obama. Mind you, she came
to talk about a bipartisan issue. And guess
what? The same people who wanted Kanye to shut people up last night were up in
arms about the country’s First Lady being booed. Mind you, many presidents and their
associates have been booed before. But
oh no, now it’s rude to interrupt someone.
Guess
what, it was rude then and it is rude now.
But I guess all these people will teach their children that it is fine
to be rude to the people we don’t like but it’s blasphemous to be rude to the
people that we adore. Especially when skin color is involved.
On
to the next one. I am a faithful viewer
of most reality shows showcasing singing talent and I am a proud alumna of
Howard University. Nevertheless, when I
watched the Sing-Off, the group Afro Blue that represented my alma mater
disappointed me many times. For one
thing, they were not consistent.
Secondly, as a damn-near connoisseur of these vocal shows, the one thing
I can’t stand hearing beyond the second season of a show is “we don’t do that”
or “we’re not familiar with that.” And Afro-Blue kept saying it week after
week. Once they pretty much said they
didn’t know the words to “We Belong Together” by my beloved Mariah Carey, I
just knew they were not winning. Did I
forget to mention that they wound up in the bottom two on R&B night? How are you the only all-black group and end
up in the bottom two on that night. The
Sing-Off is an acapella show, not a jazz showcase. I like the Dartmouth Aires. They are
entertaining. I like Pentatonix. They’re
talented. I could live without Urban
Method.
But
in all honesty, I couldn’t really get down with Afro Blue. Don’t get me wrong, when they performed well,
I applauded. And I understand that by
affiliation I am supposed to support them.
HOWEVER, anybody who knows me knows that affiliation only means I give
someone a little bit more of a chance.
Affiliation does not make me deaf, dumb or blind to all that I have
learned about music competitions over the years. My support in instances like this is earned
because I don’t know them like that and I know what I like.
I
guess because I’m black and I went to HU, I’m not supposed to feel that way,
right?
“Oops
I did it again. I played with your heart. Got lost in the game.”- Britney Spears
When
I was a teenager, this was just a song with a cool video that had my closest
bisexual friend mimicking the choreography in the middle of class. Mind you, he was in the closet then, but this
was a big hint of things to come.
Nevertheless,
I digress. As a person awaiting the
often-fabled thirties, I can’t help but to think how this song has actually
applied to my life over the years.
Despite
being single for nine years, I have to admit some men have attempted to pursue
something of substance with me. Those
nine years are evidence that they failed or I failed. Hell, someone failed.
I can’t
tell you how many times men have gotten frustrated with me after our first
hours-long conversation went extremely well.
Apparently, I’m into a lot of things that other women are not into and a
lot of things that women are into, I’m not.
I can be so involved. Hell, I can learn your whole life story.
As a
former journalist, it’s pretty easy for me to recall information and show
interest. So during any follow-up call,
one may get excited that I recall the little details. I’ll tell you about my day.
But I
kind of have this really bad habit of not initiating communication unless I
really like a guy. It may appear as I’m
playing hard to get. Unfortunately, it really means one has not reached a level
of interest where I feel like calling or texting. And then I get hit with the “I don’t think
you’re really feeling me.” And I tend to want to go “you’re right.”
What
can I say? Like most women, I appreciate the attention, however, it takes a
little more to keep my interest and trust, that more is not arrogance and
cockiness. Maybe I should just stop
smiling and saying hello back.
"You've got opinions man. We're all entitled to them. But I didn't ask."- Sara Bareilles
One
thing I’ve learned in this life is that being quiet is often seen as a sign of
weakness. Or an invitation to espouse on
the direction one’s life should take or the decisions that one makes.
Over
the last couple of years, I realize that this behavior has led some of my “friends”
to the belief that I obviously have no clue what I’m doing or need some
direction.And very often when they
would decide to do this, I just shut down.This is mainly a result of enjoying peace after being raised with
parents who viewed arguing as recreational activity within a marriage.Nine times out of ten, unless it resulted in
me being harmed or losing money, I kept quiet.This had me regarded as passive aggressive and a pushover.So the fuck what.
However,
as I am nearing thirty, I am realizing that I should enjoy that passive
aggressiveness with peace of mind.If
that means taking vacations by myself to avoid allowing people to think they’re
in control or need to advise me on everything from what I eat to what’s going
on with my car, so be it.If I’m on a
vacation, I don’t want to hear about that.I especially don’t want to hear about such things from people who are
unhappy with their own circumstances.
I
came into this world by myself. I grew
up by myself. Trust, I have figured out
how to do a hell of a lot by myself while maintaining my own peace of
mind. I am who I am. I do what I do. If
someone don’t like it. To them, I say fuck you.
"Cause then you’ll find out that it wasn’t those real big things you loved about him. It was the real small things. You know, things that you’ve seen a thousand times around the house but never paid attention to like helping with the groceries. Helping in the yard and painting and repairing and paying the bills." - Natalie Cole
This blog was inspired by an eight-legged creature and a six-cylinder vehicle.
Over the past four weeks, I have been traveling back and forth.On one particular night, I arrived home to a humongous spider in my kitchen.No one warned me that Columbus and Ohio are apparently very arachnid friendly.After letting out a very feminine scream, I tackled the spider all by my lonesome.
Fast forward about a week later and I am getting in my car to go to work knowing that I have a busy weekend of driving and partying ahead of me.I get in my lovely ten-year old Silver Bullet only for the radio to come on.While I enjoy a good morning show usually, I would’ve preferred the revving of my engine.I call AAA.They determine that my issue is my battery.Once they get my car up and running, I drive to AutoZone and $100 later, my problem is solved and I go on with my life as planned.
However, as a woman raised by men who are or were mechanics and handymen, I had several moments where I didn’t want to be solving these problems by myself.The freedom that comes with living by yourself is great, but it can also turn into a burden when creatures enter your domicile, cars break down or when you have to reach something on the top shelf in a closet with nine-foot ceilings when your height only measures five feet. And sometimes, your back hurts and you just want a massage from someone with strong, massive, masculine hands.
So while I’m not really making time for men like that, I do want them around sometimes.If they’re raised right, they do bring something to the table.
I’m a 21st-century woman raised with some mid 20th-century values. It is the hand that I have been dealt.
"Can you forgive me? I know it might sound crazy. But right now, my heart's a little lazy. Tired of opening up, tired of caring."- LeToya Luckett
So I know that I have not paid enough attention to this blog, but I have been downright busy with Zeta, my family, my friends and my life. Pretty much, I’ve been living.
Though as much as I’ve been doing my thing, I got asked a question recently that most girls more than likely answer differently. The question: Why am I single? The answer: I have not made establishing a relationship a priority as an adult. Let’s just say the person asking the question was male and his reaction indicated he was a little taken aback.
But it’s the truth. Once I became single again almost nine years ago, I focused on my academics, my friends and establishing my first career. That required a couple of moves and lots of time. In addition to that, I felt it was time for me to give back to the community so I volunteered for Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Then I decided to join the best sorority ever, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. And after that, I decided that it was time to switch careers. That required a return to graduate school followed by a fellowship and another move. Mind you, Zeta and my friends are still a great part of my life throughout all of this. And let’s not forget my family.
Now, there have been guys in my life during that time. They pretty much could only get in where they fit in. And that story still holds true today. After a long day, guys typically get the short end of the stick and I admit that. But they are still not a priority for me. I invest so much in other areas of my life, that I barely have the time. And the areas that I do invest in, I’ve gotten great returns. However, investments in guys and relationships are about as predictable as the stock market in these economic times.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being committed and loyal.
Segregation. Determination. Demonstration. Integration. Aggravation. Humiliation. Obligation to our nation. Ball of Confusion. That's what the world is today.- The Temptations
I promise to come back with either a more fun or a more reflective blog very soon. And in a way this is reflective of the fact that I often tend to take a different view on issues, especially those dealing with black people. And often, it’s not even an opposing view as much as just a different take on things. However, someone may not read this blog after what I’m about to say about the Troy Davis execution.
First of all, if an innocent man was executed last night, it is indeed one of the most heinous tragedies ever carried out by our judicial system. However, of the thousands of black men on Death Row, why select this man to be the poster child of innocence? At minimum, he is allegedly guilty of associating with someone who carried around the firearm that possibly killed the officer. His background: an unemployed high school dropout. The likelihood of getting Leon’s character from the “Like A Prayer” video off death row was greater. Sounds harsh, right? Well, there’s a reason we celebrate Rosa Parks and not Claudette Colvin when we speak of the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Colvin sat in the front of the bus and got arrested and everything. But, being an unwed teenage mother wouldn’t help the cause so the black leaders pushed the older, married Rosa Parks to serve as the face of the boycott. Think image is behind us? There’s a reason many black people breathed a sigh of relief when a senator from Chicago with degrees from Ivy League schools decided to run for president of the United States. Not many shared that feeling when Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton put in their bids. Mind you, the calculated moves garnered success.
Speaking of calculated moves, one thing that this whole situation reiterated is how reactionary black people are. This man has been on Death Row for 20 years, yet the public outcry did not occur until within the last week. And it came from a very emotional place. Calculated moves are part of a proactive stance and come with planning. And usually, logic plays a greater role in calculated moves. However, when you are always showing up late to something, you cannot always expect successful results. Black people showed up on CP time to see to it that justice was served. I swear after the passage of the Civil Rights Act was passed, a meeting was scheduled the next day at 11 a.m. to discuss reparations and the black people didn’t show up until 11:30 a.m. thinking the other side wouldn’t start on time and the other side had left when they got there. (That’s one of my many rants on CP time.)
Due to social networking, I learned that many people are completely unaware of how the court system and pardons work. Hell, many people seemed to be oblivious to how government works in general. And people seemed fine with keeping Troy Davis from being executed, but turned around and in the same breath, called for the execution of Casey Anthony and suggested that the white officer who was shot may have been a bad officer. Talk about an eye for an eye. And last I checked, racism, no matter who dishes it out, is wrong.
So, if nothing else, this whole ordeal should serve as a learning experience. We must teach our children that old rule about making sure you associate with the right people because you might get accused of murder and get the electric chair. Also, there is a long list of black people on Death Row. Now would be a good time to direct all this energy to working with social organizations to ensure that if any of them are innocent, they won’t be subjected to an execution. Might also be a good time to brush up on the legal system in this country. If you deem something the enemy, it’s kind of beneficial to know what you’re fighting. And research the facts for whatever causes you may decide to become a part of. Better to be an informed, proactive activist than to be an reactive, bandwagon activist.
"I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own. And know that I'm strong enough to mend."- Mariah Carey
One of my weekday rituals is taking time out of my day to go online and listen to the Strawberry Letter on the Steve Harvey Morning Show online. This morning’s letter just about broke my heart.
It was from a woman who described herself as being fairly skinny and not possessing the qualities that men want. She pretty much ended it by saying that she planned to kill herself when she turns 40 if she does not have a husband or children. That’s right- kill herself because of a lack of a man and children.
Now many people will tell her to go to church and God will work it out while others will call her crazy. I just say is she just missing that much general love from her life. Are there no family members and friends?
I will admit taking my own life crossed my mind a time, or two, or ten during my high school years. I could say that it was because of the terrible relationship I had with my parents or the fact that I felt all this pressure on me to be this excellent student and was not feeling it. But at the time, most of my thoughts were on my on-again, off-again boyfriend. And we were off and I didn’t handle it very well. I tried to go for the cop out, but luckily I had a grandmother who watched me like a hawk whenever she sensed something wasn’t right with me. But my depression was fierce at the time, because not only could I not deal with him not wanting me, but I couldn’t deal with everyone knowing he didn’t want me because we went to the same high school. I did and said things I was not proud of. And he continued to have this effect on me into my early 20s.
But I did realize after high school and getting away and building a real network of people I became friends with and could trust, ending my own life never came to my mind again when it came to the situation. Some other crazy things may have crossed my mind, but hey, I didn’t act on all of them and I lived to talk about it.
Not only that, I now have people who I know care about me and can relate to me. And when I’m feeling low, I know who I can talk to without judgment, but with a comforting shoulder. It probably helped that that I learned to love me more as the days went by. And it also helped that I come out on the other side of 90 percent of life’s events stronger than when I went in.
“Everything you say to me. And everything you do. You can't deny the truth. Cause I am the living proof.”- Mary J. Blige
It’s been a few weeks since the movie The Help came out. Most of the hoopla over how the movie took black women back millions of years has subsided. No one is talking anymore of how it was too kind of its portrayal of Mississippi during the time period of the 1950s and the 1960s. All of this probably has to do with the fact that most Americans have short attention spans and earthquakes and hurricanes were thrown in over the past week for good measure.
However, as someone who normally remains quiet on a lot of this issues because I don’t think like many of my peers or I can find a way to see other perspectives, I decided to use this as an opportunity to have a discussion with one of my favorite people in the world, my grandmother.
See, my grandmother was born and raised in the Mississippi Delta, and, for that reason, she was very familiar with Mississippi affairs during that time. She just didn’t have the luxury of worrying about it. She was too busy working.
My grandmother was raised on a farm where her father was one of many sharecroppers. They picked potatoes, peas, cotton, all sorts of things. Instead of finishing the 10th grade of school, she went to the fields to work and help the family. And not only did she help hers, she helped other families, including poor white families.
Back in those days, she recalls the members of poor white families who lived nearby coming to her house, knocking on her door and asking for the excess crop. Since it was going to go bad anyway, her father always responded positively. And that was pretty much her only recollection of dealing with white people in Mississippi. She said they were always nice and she, along with her brothers and sisters, often played with the white children.
To my grandmother, race and Civil Rights were often issues that the “city folk” in Jackson and the other “big” MS cities concerned themselves with. It took her moving to Detroit to finally encounter racism in-person.
Now I know that many people do have stories like this, but this is the story of my grandmother. And it offered a different perspective which is why I am not a fan of people always acting like everything regarding race was a collective experience. Luckily, since the movie was about the 50s and 60s, many survivors of that time are still around. And we should take advantage of their presence and seek them out for their various perspectives. I’m sure no two stories will be exactly alike.
"My eyes don't cry no more. My heart don't ache no more. Since you walked through my door, I don't have to no longer be blue."- Stevie Wonder
Back to offering positive music on Fridays. When I think of this song, I think of doing the Electric Slide in Detroit- the only hustle that I am good at which is pretty much a social felony for a metro Detroiter. Moreso, I think of trips to Boblo Island, this amusement park that closed down. While it couldn't compare to Cedar Point, that boat ride was everything. On one floor, you had arcade games while other floors had dancing and eating venues. That boat was definitely a highlight of my childhood and every time I hear this song, I think of doing the Electric Slide on that boat.
"I can make you feel happy and so nice. Just tell me what you desire."- Toni Braxton
The other night, I was engaged in a very interesting discussion with my niece who has been married for four years about some of her married male coworkers who are on the prowl due to wives who refuse to have sex. Mind you, these guys and their wives are in their mid to late 20s just like us. Suddenly, she said "If there is one thing I learned about marriage, putting out is key."
Now people always say vajayjay won't keep a man, but I know withholding it after giving it up probably makes him turn in other directions way more quickly. Plus, I never quite understood withholding it because punishing him would mean punishing myself and why on Earth would I do that? Like trapping a man by getting pregnant, it's one of the manipulative devices that women use that usually winds up fucking themselves over.
I wholeheartedly believe sex plays an important role in a relationship. But I've also have been informed before that I have a high sex drive for a woman so that may have something to do with it. For that reason, I discussed this notion with a few of my friends who are in serious relationships or marriages and they told me how sometimes it's easy for the sex to get too routine or you're just tired and figure you can do it tomorrow.
I call BS for these single women. Now, I understand being really tired from time to time because it happens to the best of us and having sex while tired often leads to alright sex at best and who wants to go through so much trouble for alright sex. However, I was recently informed to no longer think of how I spend my day as "time management" but as priority management. We make times for things we deem a priority. For example, a woman may have 50 million things to accomplish in a day but if she meets an attractive man, she will find a way to fit that man into her day even if it means staying up until 2 a.m. in the morning. Why? Because, she has deemed that man some kind of priority. If marriage or sustaining a good relationship is a priority, sex and physical intimacy should be a priority as well.
Now, if it's too routine, that's where communication comes in. Like Toni says in the song, she's down for poles, toys, lingerie, just about anything besides a threesome. The only way to change anything in the bedroom (or whatever venue you choose, I'm not judging) is to open your mouth and say what you want to try or ask what he wants to try. If you're in a marriage or a serious relationship, one would think trust is shared and that trust should extend to fantasies. If you're going to be a whore for anybody, may as well be your husband.
All I know is 20s and 30s is too young to be too tired to enjoy your significant other. I once heard the story of a woman who was good and in her 60s still having sex with her older husband after he had a stroke. Mind you, she spent most of her day watching all of her grandchildren and tending to him, helping him with the things he could no longer do while also cooking and cleaning. And I don't even want to imagine the work and maneuvering involved with having sex with a man who can only operate one side of his body. I know women in their 40s and their 50s with children and grandchildren of varying ages who still purchase lingerie and enjoy their husbands of decades.
I know we have a reputation as a lazy generation, but damn. After reading what I just wrote, I can see why guys may be going older.
"You say you're lookin' for a money man (I want the dough). A bank account full of benjamins (I want the Benz). You ain't got a penny to your name." - Keith Sweat
This past weekend presented me with the opportunity to observe a regular ceremonial display of desperation- the wedding bouquet toss. Women were jumping with arms outstretched, claiming how they needed the bouquet. And oddly enough, having known quite a few of these women, I witnessed that desperation and income appeared representative to an indirect relationship. That's right. The broker the chick, the more her arms were outstretched.
Add to this scene, the fact that I've noticed that the ladies who talk about wanting a relationship the most are the ones who are not in any position to support themselves. They are living at home with their parents or living with half a dozen roommates. Not saying anything is wrong with that, but living in such situations may be a good indication that you should primarily be working on yourself and being able to attain things for yourself. But no, these are the women who make the most demands on guys. I've witnessed it with my own eyes.
Another interesting thing I notice is that these types of women also say things like "I need a man to..." On the other hand, most of the women I know who are completely holding their own prefer to say things like "It would be nice to have a man around to help with..." One is looking for a provider while the other is looking for a partner.
I will never understand how a woman can bring almost nothing to the table besides her good looks and her vajayjay and demand so much. Furthermore, the last man who "provided" for me was my daddy and while I love him, I know the strings and control that came with that relationship. I think I'll take a partner who works hard like me and will help me along the way.
"Baby take off your cool. I wanna see you. I wanna see you."- Andre 3000 featuring Norah Jones
I know that I spoke about a song that was ruined for me by someone. Now it's time to tell y'all about a song that brings about a pretty vivid, satisfying memory. Though I will not share all the gory details of the memory. I've already had a TMI moment today. *smile*
Anyway, this song takes me back to my younger days at good ol' Howard University-THE REAL HU. I was a college senior preparing to take the world by storm, working long hours at a campus newspaper. Anybody who knows what a production night is like at a newspaper can tell you that you may want to have somebody on standby to give you a massage afterward because it is stressful and tiring as hell.
So on one of these nights, I fell for a "come over". Everybody who has ever attended college should know what a "come over" is and you shouldn't be falling for them anymore long after college is over. So I went and it was the same week that the Speakerboxx/The Love Below CD came out. So he was playing it on blast. One thing led to another and all I can recall was Andre 3000 was playing in the background, it was great and I got sprung. He didn't reciprocate, but every time I hear that album (which of course I ran out and got that same week) I think of that time. And despite the fact that he didn't reciprocate (well not the way he did during the come over), I still smile.
"I'll be my number one. I'll put me first, like you don't do. No second place. No number two. There's only room for one. I'll be my number one."- Chrisette Michele
Since I went to the Chrisette Michele/Avant/Tank concert, I have been blasting her music frequently over the past weekend.
As for this one, this is one of those songs that I work everyday to take to heart more and more. See, I come from a long line of passive aggressive women and somehow I absorbed that ish. I say "yes" a little too easily at times and I go with the flow a little too much. Part of this comes from the fact that I hate confrontation. Growing up, I too often witnessed when confrontation went violent. There were moments when I dished out the violence. But that story should come another day. All I know is in the end, I figured it was easier to go along to get along.
However, when other people caught on to the fact, it started getting a little more difficult. Because they knew I was quiet, they felt like they could say whatever the eff they wanted to me or about things I cared about. They loved dealing with me because they knew I would take their ish. Then they started wanted me to do what they wanted me to do or felt like they could control me.
Well, more and more I felt like knocking someone the eff out. I haven't hit anybody since 2004 and sometimes, I still have a yearning to do so. In all honesty, if alcohol recovery is anything like my urge to hit people when it is at its worst, I seriously feel downright sorry for alcoholics. That is some ish to deal with.
Back to the point of the blog. Yeah, so people got wind of this and felt like I was their puppet to an extent. Well, guess what it took me until to my late 20s to learn the word "no." If not that, I did learn how not to say the "yes". And there have been a couple of "hell nos" thrown in for effect.
I'm only going on vacations I want to go on. I'm only dating if I feel like it. I'm only going out when I feel like it. I'm going to do things that I'm interested in doing despite what others may think.
It's just that life is so not about doing what others want you to do. It's not about living up to others' expectations. It's about doing what you want to do and feel comfortable with. And hell, if what you're doing is not "right", it's about being able to live with it yourself. At this stage, we all know what consequences and repercussions are. It's about being your own Number One, believing in yourself and acting for yourself.
Plus, being Number One is great. I should know because I am a dovely Ace. (Had to go there ONE time.)
After re-entering the world of full-time employment, I finally got my first paycheck this week. And I must say that it feels quite good.
Rent has been paid. Utilities have been paid. Other debtors have been paid. Now it's time for me to figure out how to make a check last an entire month while also making and having plans.
See, between now and the end of the September, I plan to be out of town for at least four weekends. In August, I have a wedding to attend. In September, I plan to visit my alma mater as well as fellowship with my sorors in Michigan for a couple of weekends.
And let's not forget that in a few months, I will no longer be in the grace period for my stupid loans. So if I want to be at a great concert with Tank, Chrisette Michele and Avant less than 48 hours after I get my check, so be it.
"Why did I ever like you? What did I see? Whatever it was must have been some kind of illusion. A magic trick on me."- Pink
Funny how time, maturity and actions will completely change how you view a person. Things you once deemed acceptable are no longer allowed. Things that you thought were attractive qualities you now abhor.
In the past few months, I have been contacted by people who I thought were long gone. Some were men from my past while others were former friends that I realized I could do better without. With each communication, I sat there with the same thought: Why the hell are you contacting me?
People who know me well are fully aware that if you are of any real importance to me, I make an effort to contact you and I am often more than thrilled when you contact me. There is a very small list of people who I just wonder why I even gave my number. Well, I know why, but once I stopped using theirs, I kind of wish they had forgotten mine.
For one person, it was pretty much a friend who valued me much less than I valued them. I realized I didn't have time to catch people in lies or have the things that I love and value insulted just because it wasn't their thing. There was also the thing about being there when they needed me but them not being there when I needed them. I pretty much got sick of it and told them I didn't need it.
The others were pretty much guys. And I've already explained a little bit about how I like to draw boundaries and can be quite withholding. I'm working on that with new people. But many of the men from my past know how I allowed them to treat me and therefore, I want to leave that back there. Some were just downright arrogant. Others were disrespectful. (Hey, I found it easier to screw assholes and treat them like shit. Screwing over nice guys is something I definitely try to avoid.)
So as you can see, I have a history of people who don't treat me the best. Why that was, I don't know. But I am seeing things so much more clearly now. And wondering why I put myself through it.
"I don't want a fancy girl with powder and paint. And I don't want a woman who think she's a saint. I'm looking for someone who's not make-believe and doesn't mind giving so that she may receive."- Jackie Wilson
Let me preface this by saying I prefer the Otis Redding version, but the words and the sentiment are just the same.as
In the event that I ever fall in love or enter a relationship again, this is the song that describes how I would like for him to think about me. This song talks about someone very real (which is getting harder to come by) who is about very much about giving her man all the love that he needs, but who is still flawed. It talks about being understanding as well as being there for him. But it also talks about him being willing to give just as much as she doles out.
Not only does this song contain a sense of yearning, it also contains the sense that love and respect are earned in a relationship. M.A.C. and CoverGirl nor stillettos and weaves will automatically result in acquiring such if you don't put in the man hours of communication and attention. And there is no concealer powerful enough to mask the problems that come about in a relationship from the lack of those two.
Either way, I would like to think that if I ever met someone worth it, I would invest the time to get to a place where this song would remind a guy of me.
"Today, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed."- Bruno Mars
It's Friday and Fridays are meant for fun and freedom. So I'm going to do my best when I post on Fridays to pick songs that are light or just put me in a good mood for no reason. And I plan to keep my blogs short. So I'm doing nothing as I am looking ahead to a weekend of car service, ribs, jazz, and cleaning around the house. Happy weekends everyone!
"Now I'm refunding you your feelings for the truth."-Noel Gourdin
Honesty. We all say we want it but do we really? Can we actually handle it? For instance, this song is an example of very direct honesty which is one reason that I love it. Though, I definitely would not want a guy serenading me with it. But I would appreciate the guy being upfront about it.
As I have entered the last year of my 20s, I realize that not only am I appreciating honesty even more, but I am becoming an even greater fan of the direct approach. Since I've been single, I notice that I do my damnedest to take situations for what they are. If we're hooking up, we're hooking up. If we're dating, we're dating. If we're friends, we are friends. If we're friends who occasionally hook up...yeah, I try to avoid that. Why? Because it leads to thinking which can lead to feelings which can lead to awkwardness, possessiveness and all kinds of BS emotions. Nobody has time for all that and that is where most of my issues with honesty have come from in the last nine years or so.
I think I am fairly good at drawing boundaries. We've already established that I have issues with people, particularly guys, getting too close. If I really don't like you or am not interested in a relationship, I just don't talk to you. If I mildly enjoy your company, I may entertain your conversation for awhile.
But those damn friends with benefits. I'm not exactly great with establishing the boundaries. I actually care to some extent about them and what they think about me. I also question where I stand more often than not. And unlike the other guys in my life, they are the main ones who never give a direct answer or maybe I'm not listening. I just know I don't like murky. Murky makes you think and feel too much. I don't like that.
"Now I don't wanna step out tonight. What do you think about that? Does it sound like a plan? And I don't wanna feel out a crowd."-Solange
Two very important things about me: 1) I am a homebody at my core. 2) I don't feel comfortable doing everything with everybody. To that extent, I don't feel comfortable doing everything with everybody in my home. As a matter of fact, I don't feel comfortable having everybody in my home. The number of dates and guys in my life greatly contrasts with the number of guys who have been in my home whether it was in Hattiesburg, Warner Robins or Detroit. Something tells me this will not change in Columbus.
I truly feel that my home is my sanctuary and I treat it as such. My home is a reflection of who I am and I haven't been big on revealing all of that to people for a long time.
Yet, especially when it comes to guys, there are only a couple of guys who I would feel completely comfortable having in my home, partaking of my favorite hobbies (which, by the way, does not include the second word making up the song title) and finding out all that is important to me by seeing my pictures or my book collection. And none of those guys have lived in the same state as me. Nor were we ever in a situation where it would be appropriate for them to visit me when I lived somewhere decent. :(
Oh well, maybe one day I will invite someone over for a Champagnechronicnightcap. But without the chronic.
"I'm already out of foolproof ideas. So don't ask me how to get started. It's all uncharted."- Sara Bareilles
I am an 80s baby and one the greatest untruths passed down to my generation was that if we went to college, our entire lives would be set. All we needed to do was pick a career and be loyal to it for like 30 years and wait for that retirement to kick in. However, once the late 90s kicked in, we realized that was a bunch of BS.
I graduated with my bachelor's degree in journalism in 2004 and worked in the industry for five years. Throughout that five years, I saw so many people get laid off and fall out of love with the industry. Most people didn't fall out of law with writing, but it was the corporate craziness and the low morale that accompanied it. Eventually, it got to me. The stress was causing my hair to shed like crazy and me to spit up blood on a too-frequent basis. Also, I was thinking what if I decided to have children or get married one day, my hours would not work. At the time, I figured it was time to look at greener pastures and go a route that I thought I never would- graduate school.
Fast forward to May 2011, I graduated with my Master's degree in Library and Information Science after quitting my job, dropping everything and moving back to my hometown of Detroit. Was it worth it? So far, I would say yes. I have a fellowship and I am enjoying what I'm learning.
I know it appeared to be a dramatic change, but it still never ceases to amaze me when people compliment me for being so brave. I was reminded of that a week ago when I was out with a group of ladies. A couple of the women in the group had quit their very good, stable jobs. One had decided to attend law school while the other one just decided to take a break. And all the people at the table complimented us for our bravery in taking the road less traveled.
I can't say much about being brave. Losing our damn minds maybe. But I don't know about brave. I just know that there comes a time when you've decided that you have had enough and realize you can do something about it. Yeah, it can be scary as hell especially when you realize you have gone way off course. But all great ventures involve risk, right?
"You'll always be a part of me. I'm a part of you indefinitely."- Mariah Carey
November 2011 will mark nine years of what one of my friends calls my "official singledom". After five years of on and off with my first boyfriend, it was time to call it quits (officially). He simply asked if I was still in love with him and I simply said no. It was what it was (officially). I may explain the parentheses at a later date. However, early in the relationship when we were young, dumb and full of cum, there were good times and the Mariah Carey song on this post was our song. And I swear since moving to Columbus, I have heard that song on the radio every time I get in my car. Now I don't get butterflies or nor do I feel the urge to gag when I hear it now, I am just simply reminded. Also after a few years of my ex not being a fleeting thought, he has entered my dreams on at least two occasions in the past few months with last night being one. Last night's dream was more of a sexual nature and I will spare y'all the details. However the other dream was around the time I graduated with my Master's degree. In the dream, he said he just stopped me to congratulate me and say how proud he was of me. If I ever explain the parentheses, you may see why I was surprised at that particular dream. All I know is I managed to return to my hometown for nearly 2 years and not have a single run-in with him, but yet and still he manages to seep into my subconscience at times. I don't know if all this is a reminder that someone really cared for me once or just a joke being played on me by the universe.
"Packed all my clothes, shut the door. Back on the road to success".- Jennifer Hudson
This song right here became my anthem this past spring. See, after a two-year hiatus from an actual career a.k.a. graduate school, I was stepping back out seeking full-time employment once again. And on top of that, I was seeking employment in a completely different career field- in an economy that is either still in or leaving a recession depending on the day of the week and who you ask. I had left the journalism industry to pursue a job in library science.
Now just so you know, I love me some Jennifer Hudson and I had bought her recent album on the day it came out. (FYI: The ITunes pre-order are thisclose when it comes to my favorite artists.) That day, I listened to it and came away with a few favorites. However, it was nearly a month later when I was driving down to Ohio to interview for the fellowship that I have now that I really listened to this song. And all of a sudden, I had to put it on repeat. It became a mantra of sorts. I remember being in the hotel room listening to it over and over again as I prepared my presentation for the interview. It was just something about this song that just boosted my confidence and encouraged me. I even made this song my ringtone. I was not playing.
The song mainly talked about being confident in your goals and just continuing to try to get there despite what others may think or say. And when you tell a bunch of young, urban professional friends that you plan to attend school for library science, you will receive a lot of WTH faces. But life is about doing what you want to do. And right now, this is what I want to do. And I'm giving it my 100 percent. And if you ask me, as the song says, I got this.
"I think I'm in love with my radio. It never lets me down"- Beyonce
This is the most recent in many attempts to start a blog and I figure if I focus the blog on something that I love, I may stick with it. And one thing anybody will tell you that I love is music. My Ipod contains music from so many genres and artists that I'm almost scared to put it on shuffle as I have no clue what may come next.
My love affair with music began at a tender young age where I was still running around in lavender footie pajamas. One Christmas, my parents introduced me to what may quite possibly be my first love.
That Fisher-Price radio remained at my side at all times and I remember what my favorite station was at the time. It was when 96.3 FM in Detroit played a mixture of music. You could hear everything from rock to pop to R&B and it was a beautiful thing. I don't know how many tone-deaf renditions of Shirley Murdock and Denise Williams my family had to endure with that microphone, but I know I loved every minute of it. Somehow, the microphone went missing, but I'm sure that was an accident. I just knew that whenever it was on, I was focused. Music made my world go round. And my mom figured this out, but got a little wiser which led to this next present.
Yes, notice there is no microphone, but there is a cassette player. And I felt so in control when I purchased my very first cassette, MC Hammer's "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em". I won't go into all the radios, Walkmans, Discmans, stereos, mp3 players and Ipods I owned after this radio, just know that there were a lot and each has a special place in my heart as each played the music that eventually became the soundtrack of my life. For every event or situation, I can think of a song.
Which brings me to the point of this blog. Today, I turned 29 and I am peering over at 30 with the side eye. Something tells me this year will be one of reflection and so I plan to use this blog as a way to do that creatively. A song will always be posted and 99.9% of the time it will be one from my Ipod or ITunes library. Sometimes, the blog following will focus on a moment in my life. At other times, it will focus on a thought or a philosophy of mine. There may be times I decide to just focus on the actual day that I am writing the blog. All I know is that by the end of this, anyone reading this should have more insight into who I am.
