Monday, August 15, 2011

Tell Me

"I can make you feel happy and so nice. Just tell me what you desire."- Toni Braxton

The other night, I was engaged in a very interesting discussion with my niece who has been married for four years about some of her married male coworkers who are on the prowl due to wives who refuse to have sex.  Mind you, these guys and their wives are in their mid to late 20s just like us.  Suddenly, she said "If there is one thing I learned about marriage, putting out is key."

Now people always say vajayjay won't keep a man, but I know withholding it after giving it up probably makes him turn in other directions way more quickly.  Plus, I never quite understood withholding it because punishing him would mean punishing myself and why on Earth would I do that?  Like trapping a man by getting pregnant, it's one of the manipulative devices that women use that usually winds up fucking themselves over.

I wholeheartedly believe sex plays an important role in a relationship.  But I've also have been informed before that I have a high sex drive for a woman so that may have something to do with it.  For that reason, I discussed this notion with a few of my friends who are in serious relationships or marriages and they told me how sometimes it's easy for the sex to get too routine or you're just tired and figure you can do it tomorrow.

I call BS for these single women.  Now, I understand being really tired from time to time because it happens to the best of us and having sex while tired often leads to alright sex at best and who wants to go through so much trouble for alright sex.  However, I was recently informed to no longer think of how I spend my day as "time management" but as priority management.  We make times for things we deem a priority.  For example, a woman may have 50 million things to accomplish in a day but if she meets an attractive man, she will find a way to fit that man into her day even if it means staying up until 2 a.m. in the morning.  Why? Because, she has deemed that man some kind of priority.  If marriage or sustaining a good relationship is a priority, sex and physical intimacy should be a priority as well.

Now, if it's too routine, that's where communication comes in.  Like Toni says in the song, she's down for poles, toys, lingerie, just about anything besides a threesome.  The only way to change anything in the bedroom (or whatever venue you choose, I'm not judging) is to open your mouth and say what you want to try or ask what he wants to try.  If you're in a marriage or a serious relationship, one would think trust is shared and that trust should extend to fantasies.  If you're going to be a whore for anybody, may as well be your husband.

All I know is 20s and 30s is too young to be too tired to enjoy your significant other.  I once heard the story of a woman who was good and in her 60s still having sex with her older husband after he had a stroke.  Mind you, she spent most of her day watching all of her grandchildren and tending to him, helping him with the things he could no longer do while also cooking and cleaning.  And I don't even want to imagine the work and maneuvering involved with having sex with a man who can only operate one side of his body.  I know women in their 40s and their 50s with children and grandchildren of varying ages who still purchase lingerie and enjoy their husbands of decades.

I know we have a reputation as a lazy generation, but damn.  After reading what I just wrote, I can see why guys may be going older.

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