tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28525795543345424972024-03-13T11:41:06.475-07:00Tasha's 365 Musical JourneyThis will be an attempt to delve into Tasha's world through 365 songs in her Ipod. Maybe she'll write one a day, maybe she won't.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-12851652249469840852017-02-19T16:19:00.000-08:002017-02-19T16:19:01.043-08:00When I Wake Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Here I am thinking again. All lost in my brain. But I know I should get up and get out of it. I gotta keep moving. But here I am lost all up inside my brain"-Jill Scott</i></div>
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So I finally got a moment to breathe...and write. And you know what happens when you pause, right? Every thought just comes rushing to your brain. So here are a few.</div>
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1) The United States has a new president. People are allowing him to run their blood pressure up. I choose to live with the knowledge that I can subject myself to whatever information I choose. As far as impeachment goes, I fully embrace that it is much easier to be proactive than reactive. </div>
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2) I realized a while ago that all of the women in my family who stay married were the second wives of their husbands. That leads me to believe, that maybe, just maybe, I have within me the type of woman that won't be appreciated for years to come. </div>
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3) The older I get, the more I realize I am more feminine emotionally than I tend to like to let on. I need to be touched. I'm moody. I live to be appreciated. </div>
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4) The past year has been about establishing myself as a leader. I do buy into what everybody has been seeing. Yet, I can't see myself rising to a top leadership position here in Columbus because I am very lacking in the local support system that I need to thrive. </div>
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5) One of the saddest experiences is when you lose all hope for a situation despite all the insight to the contrary that you have face from the beginning. Hope can be a beautiful thing and it can be a bitch.</div>
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6) I'm unsure of my next major step.</div>
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That's all for now.</div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-56542017324187552182016-05-13T12:49:00.000-07:002016-05-13T12:51:38.801-07:00Looking In<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24.7102px;"><i>"You look at me and see the girl. Who lives inside the golden world. But don't believe that's all there is to see."-Mariah Carey</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24.7102px;">One of my favorite shows to watch on television is <i>Scandal </i>and while everyone wants to be Olivia Pope with her style or Cyrus Beane with his cunning, I finally figured out my kindred spirit on the show.</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24.7102px;">At the end of the day, I am most like, wait for it, Jake Ballard.</span>A couple of episodes ago, we were allowed a bit of insight into how Jake Ballard came to be the man we know today. He grew up in a dysfunctional home, went into the military, rebelled, found a family that embraced him like never before and embraced them back fully. In return for that love, he pretty much performs any task requested dutifully out of a sense of obligation, even if it means being thrust into leadership roles he did not sign up for. And why does he get placed into these positions? Well because he is damn good at his job even if he does not desire the power as many of those who surround him do. However, he often has these sense of wanting to escape despite being able to rise to any occasion because sometimes it's just not for him. And last night, he admitted he yearned for the simple life with the woman that he loves. Essentially, if anybody on <i>Scandal </i>is dealing with a severe case of impostor system, it has to be Jake.<br /><br />So if you have read this blog before, I have told you a little bit about growing up in a home with abuse. From there, I moved to Howard University where I got a degree, sense of myself and great friends. I moved around a bit and then became a member of my sorority. Within my organization, people keep thinking that I know what I'm doing and I can't seem to prove them wrong. Add to that, I keep getting placed in leadership positions when all I want is to be a good, well-informed Zeta. While I have pretty much mastered each one, there is very much a part of me that would appreciate a stint at general membership. One day that will happen.<br /><br />But being the dutiful, loyal people that Jake and I both are, we just continue to push forward in our respective positions.</span></div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-82794545600728023132016-03-24T15:57:00.000-07:002016-03-25T07:37:00.757-07:00Supa<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"<i>I can't be Supa all the time."-Chrisette Michele</i></div>
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<i> </i>Sometimes people label you in a way meant as a compliment, but it only results in you feeling some kind of way that rejects the label like a three-year old rejects that yucky bubblegum penicillin.</div>
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That's how I feel about the compliment "super". Why? Because I am already working through the perfectionist standards I place on myself. Others are not needed nor wanted. </div>
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Working hard and having discipline come second nature for me. Saying what I mean and meaning what I say also prove not to be challenge. I used to expect these things from others but now I just meet people where they are. However when I ask those same people to not place me on some kind of weird pedestal, they seem unable to do so.</div>
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The other problem with being labeled "super" is my perception of the attribute. When people think of you as super, they tend to also think of you as not needing help and it leaves you very little room for public failure that will not be ridiculed. I already put enough pressure on myself. Who needs that?</div>
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So there it is. That is why I don't like being called Super. At the end of the day, I know all the work and failings that go into making it apparently look effortless to others. That's not Super, that's just taking care of business.</div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-26435031860277216452015-10-02T09:39:00.000-07:002015-11-04T04:32:13.176-08:00I Just Wanna Be Your Girl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"I just wanna be your girl/Why won't you just let me be your girl?"-Chapter 8</i></div>
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This morning, I posted a meme that read: "Guys nowadays don't want girlfriends, just want a girl who acts like a girlfriend and is loyal to them while they mess with other females." Some of my FB followers had a moment with that one simple meme.<br />
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I can't tell you how many guys I know of that have women in their lives fulfilling many of the roles of a girlfriend without a title. Cooking for them everyday. Running their errands. Stroking their ego. Serving as their second in command. And yes, putting it down in the bedroom as well. And the girlfriend-acting women are lonely while the guy is content. And why wouldn't he be? All of his needs are being met while he manages to pacify the woman just enough.<br />
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I've often been told that I'm cold because I don't believe in cooking, cleaning, or handling the affairs of any man that I am not officially dating or in a relationship. I'm sorry but that's like me going to audition for the role of Olivia Pope's best black female friend on Scandal. Now we all know Liv does not have a best friend, she doesn't have black friends at the moment and Abby was her last female friend. Therefore the role does not exist. Also, I am not an actress so I wouldn't be up for it. There is no use in auditioning for a role that either does not exist, nor that you're a contender for. All that to say, this is what these women are doing when the role they are seeking is not for them.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, men can be sexy, charming and convincing. But many women deserve better. I recall a story Steve Harvey told about needing a new car while his old car sat on bricks in the driveway. His mother asked him how he expected to be blessed with a new car when his old car was taking up space where it would sit. So he got rid of the old car and guess what? A new car came into his life. Moral of the story: when you're playing the girlfriend role for someone unappreciative and undeserving, that man is taking the space of a man who will treat you the way you deserve. And it actually can go vice versa for the man in the situation as well.<br />
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So today's lesson is stop auditioning for the girlfriend role when a casting call has not been put out.<br />
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<br />Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-1791179848859435382015-10-01T11:46:00.001-07:002015-11-04T04:32:26.774-08:00Misses Glass<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"See I try to hide the fact that I am just a fragile individual, so I give off this facade that I'm so hard when in fact I'm far from unbreakable."-Leona Lewis</i></div>
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So right now, I am kind of in my feelings. Like every slight is irritating me a little bit more. People find me valuable but are not valuing me. That kind of thing. You know where people value your skill, but not your opinion. </div>
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Right now, "I'm fine" does not mean that I am actually ok. It means that I am eagerly watching the minutes pass by until I get to my next assignment or task and somewhere in between, I'll seek a momentary break watching Empire or some Shondaland show. I may pick up a book that I've been trying to read since Labor Day. That is where I am.</div>
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Oddly enough, according to at least one of my friends, I am acting accordingly, at least for me. This friend also referred to me as the "Kem songs of emotions" and a Pokerface. Though the issue is not that I typically have one emotion. That would be nice. No, I have like five in a matter of 20 seconds which displays itself in an effortless stoicism. For example, right now, I am feeling relief that I am purging this somewhere. while also in utter disbelief and fear that someone could actually read it along with the sense of trepidation that my supervisor may peer over my shoulder, and anticipation that this work day come to an end sooner rather than later. That's like four or five in one run-on sentence, but I digress. </div>
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So here I sit, hoping that I don't break anytime soon and hoping to determine when my next chance to escape will take place. But until then, I'm fine. </div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-66312748344698693572015-09-02T19:04:00.001-07:002015-09-02T19:04:34.380-07:00A Beautiful Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Life is a journey. Not a destination. There are no mistakes. Only chances we've taken."-India.Arie</i></div>
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When it comes to life, it seems to me there are two different types of people. There are journey people and there are destination people. This came to me on a recent trip to the beautiful city that is Toronto (BTW, I will be moving there if either Donald Trump or Kanye West get elected).</div>
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Destination people walk around with a focus on a goal, a particular emphasis on the next move. Destination people also become unnerved when they are uncertain of that next move. Journey people, on the other hand, may move at a slower pace as they enjoy experiencing the world around them. While walking around with friends in Toronto, I realized that I am way more of a journey person than I initially thought while I tend to surround myself with destination people. As my friends maintained a fast pace keeping on schedule, I took the time to observe the beauty of the people and places surrounding me. </div>
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At one point, I believe I was a destination person and my life had a beautiful outline. Here's the script if you will: Graduate from prestigious HBCU. Work in newspapers and move up the ranks to editor. Make a difference with my work. Somewhere in there find someone who is compatible with me and settle down between the ages of 28 to 32 so that my future child will be 18 when I turn 50, meaning that I still could have some fun with my life. </div>
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Well I got the job in newspapers and found myself unfulfilled, if not downright sick at times. So I went to library school, received a Master's degree and now work as a cataloging librarian. But I am 33, single with no future companion in sight and without children and unsure if I am even meant to be a mother. But the funny thing is I can't say that I am not content or that my life is unfulfilling. In several avenues of my life, I can point to where I am making a difference in myself, those close to me and my community. And I'm doing it in ways that I never imagined. And I'm not so focused on what's next. Yes, there is room for improvement in some areas of my life, but I'm not so worried about that. </div>
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Right now, I am enjoying the journey and the randomness that is coming with it. </div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-91996673158719744902015-07-03T23:27:00.000-07:002015-07-03T23:27:16.770-07:00Sorry 2004<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"This is my sorry for 2004."- Ruben Studdard</i></div>
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Another hiatus from the blog, but not a hiatus from living. </div>
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This morning, I woke up with an epiphany of sorts that resulted in me determining that karma is totally a bitch.</div>
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Years ago, there was a guy who was infatuated with me way more than I was with him. We met while I was in high school, but seeing as though I had a boyfriend at the time, I didn't really notice him. He, on the other hand, appeared to have noticed me the second I stepped on campus as a freshman. Since he was close to a really good friend of mine, our paths crossed at some point and he never failed to express his interest in me regardless of mine or his relationship status. </div>
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So, we get to a point where we have both grown and moved away from home. I lived in Mississippi and he lived in Atlanta. One weekend, we decided he would come visit me where I lived. We hung out, had fun, then one thing led to another and he ummmmm....performed a sex act on me. And while he was going hard, I could NOT get into it or him to save my life. He was neither a bad guy or a bad-looking guy, I just couldn't. Afterward, it was kind of awkward but eventually we got to a place where we just acted like that didn't happen. </div>
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Fast forward to one of my recent debacles and let's just say the tables have turned and I was the one who was way more infatuated and he was the one who phoned it in. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's the fact that I am a woman or a Cancer or just to damn self-aware, I felt the lack of desire on his end, yet still kept going (I am such a Cancer when it comes to pleasing my partner). <br /><br />In my most reflective moments, I questioned whether he found me attractive and the whole status of our friendships, but based on random text messages, I am assuming we will also safely reach "It Totally Didn't Happen"-ville. </div>
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But oddly I am glad for this morning's revelation because it provided me with perspective from the other side while also allowing me to experience this side. So to that dude who probably doesn't even know that I have a blog, this is my sorry for 2004 or 2005 (Can't remember the year_. You weren't a bad dude. I just was not there with you. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-12241083525666759202015-02-17T08:43:00.001-08:002015-02-17T08:43:56.209-08:00Therapy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Why would I spend the rest of this year unhappy? Why would I spend the rest of this year alone? When I can go to therapy? When I can go to therapy? When I can go to therapy two times a day?"- Therapy, Mary J. Blige</i></div>
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Well before a whole year goes by, I figured it was time to write something again. </div>
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The last year has been an interesting one indeed. Filled with disconnecting, reconnecting, reconfigurations and the like, my plate has been full. And how have I been dealing with it?</div>
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Therapy!</div>
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Yep, that's right. Some people go to church. Some people go to the bottle. Some people practice endless avoidance (mind you, a great tactic that worked for me for several years).</div>
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I opt to pay someone to listen to my problems once a month and tell me stuff that I typically don't want to hear. And typically months later, come out better for it. </div>
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For some reason before my 31st birthday, I decided it was time to truly work on me and my relationships with men. So I sought out contact information for a black therapist (yep, I felt my therapist needed to know the innerworkings of some of my struggle). </div>
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We met. We clicked. I opened up. I cried. I have homework. I typically hate my homework. And I live to see another day and broaden my relationships with everyone.</div>
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Though what makes me feel better about the entire situation is that in speaking with her the first time, she told me that there are women 10 to 20 years older than me coming to her with the same problems. So it's good that I started where I did so I will hopefully have a different set of problems in my 40s and 50s.</div>
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Have I improved? Yes. Am I where I need to be? Hell no! Am I trying to get there? Most days. But at least I am working on it. </div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-16184451472748821282014-02-18T18:06:00.000-08:002014-02-18T18:06:17.242-08:00Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Love. So many people use your name in vain. Love. Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray."- Musiq Soulchild</i></div>
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So yesterday, I posted the following status on my FB and my Twitter pages: “I <3 love.”<br /><br />I so did not expect the responses I received. Let’s see. I was called a liar. Some people thought I was immersing myself in romantic comedies. Others actually inquired into my current relationship status (still single). Many of these reactions happened offline while others took to the same social media page where I posted the comment. Mind you, I didn’t post that I was in love (I’m not) or that I love somebody (does my grandma count?). There had to be some kind of reason that I all of a sudden became a fan of love, right?<br /><br /><div>
Here’s a large part of the reason why I posted it: I got tired of seeing dozens of Instagram, FB and Twitter posts upset about the displays of affection shown over Valentine’s Day weekend. Mind you, many of the same people with this vitriol have experienced love way more recently than I have. <br /><br />So I, with my more than 11 years of experience in singlehood, decided to change the tone with a little positive thinking and wording. Yes, I am a fan of love and maybe that was the first time I said it so boldly publicly. When love is right and expressed in a way that works for the two people in the relationship or situation, it’s a beautiful thing. So yes, I’m all for the flowers, engagements, homemade cards, surprise trips out of town that splash across my timeline. Why? Because while some of us have problems expressing our love or affection (and for some of us, even our like) of another human being, other people are able to do so courageously, openly and within the moment. And the best part is they know the person on the other end is willing to do the same thing? And that should give the rest of us some sense of hope and make us believe in endless possibilities, right?</div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-63925749778730168052013-12-22T17:57:00.001-08:002016-03-25T08:04:12.139-07:00Wrapped In Red<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"So I'm at your door with nothing more than words I've never said. In all this white, you'll see me like you'll never see me again. Wrapped in red."- Kelly Clarkson</i></div>
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So apparently I haven't written on this thing since the end of July and the first year I promised to give you Christmas music in December. Kelly Clarkson has been regularly played in my home and during my work hours so I figured I'd go with that. </div>
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So....it's Christmas and time for family and friends. Holiday parties abound. And... I'm still attracted to the same muthafucka I was attracted to months ago with no real progress. And if I have to be honest, a large part of this is because of me. (Though trust me, I'm still confused as to whether he is interested or not.) I am learning that I can be somewhat difficult when you would think it would be so easy to yes to the simplest things. </div>
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Now you probably missed the big announcement, I admitted openly that I'M ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE. Why? Because I've come to the conclusion that this shit must be like AA and the first step is admitting. Once I get through the rest of the steps to be over this, I'll try to make sure to write a post to let you know. </div>
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After failed attempts to hang out and a multitude of mixed signals, I still am way too happy to see this dude when I bump into him. When will this shit stop? This cannot continue like this in 2014. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-48966235860121866892013-07-31T19:39:00.000-07:002016-03-25T08:03:31.444-07:00Take A Picture <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Sittin here thinkin' of my yesterdays. Things weren't this crazy. I wasn't so emotional. I didn't cry at commercials. Sometimes I feel like a mess."- Mya</i></div>
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Another birthday has come and gone and typically with each year, I have a goal in mind or say I'm going to work on something. There's a move or I join a sorority (Z Phi!) or attend grad school. Something major is almost always on the horizon for me. </div>
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Well, this year, I am seriously working on me-emotional baggage and all. </div>
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Why, all of a sudden, you may ask?</div>
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Over the past few months, I have become reacquainted with long dormant feelings and habits and let's just say, I don't necessarily like what I see. I don't know exactly what I want, but my actions have been indicating to me that I want more than I've wanted in the past. How do I know this? Because I know how to get what I've gotten in the past and I'm not doing it. (Yes, I'm talking about sex and relationships.) And I'm very much choosing not to do it. </div>
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So while I may not be ready to go public with what I'm doing, I am so taking steps I haven't taken before in tackling this. Steps that are leaving me open to exposure and vulnerability like never before. And you know I hate that shit but it has to be done.</div>
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So unless something goes horrendously wrong, this blog should be a snapshot of where I am now because I sure as hell shouldn't be in this same place a year from now. Unless I'm just hopeless. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-28480463701373483552013-06-30T15:58:00.000-07:002016-03-25T08:02:17.724-07:00Take Me As I Am<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Take me as I am. Or have nothing at all"- Mary J. Blige</i></div>
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Honestly, there is so much running through my mind right now that I went back and forth several times on what to blog about by month's end. Moving, lust and travel will do that to you.</div>
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But finally, it dawned on me during a conversation with my little cousin as I try to sift through my own personal feelings and issues (which by the time I finally blog about the latest round, it may require the length of a dissertation). </div>
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We were at a birthday party for her niece and nephew when she asks me if she were to ever get married, would it be ok not to have alcohol at her wedding? Considering the fact that I'm still trying to nail down a happy hour for my birthday in two weeks, I may not have been the best person to come to for such advice, but I informed her that people do it all the time. However, since she has yet to choose a groom, I did tell her that there's a chance that her husband would prefer to have alcohol at a reception because of his lifestyle or culture. Her response: "Well that won't matter. We won't be having it."</div>
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And there it is. At 22 years old, she is already uncompromising towards a man she has yet to meet. Now there is a chance she could find someone with the same distaste for alcohol. But her response, mixed with several comments I've heard from women eight years her senior, just indicated to me how unyielding many of my <i>single </i>female friends are. Mind you, many of my married and booed up friends seem to not have the same hang-ups. Actually, quite a few times, I've pointed out where they are dealing with things they said they would never deal with. And their response is that you learn to deal with certain things if you love someone and want to be with them enough. </div>
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So maybe it's time for us to stop focusing on what we won't do or deal with and focus on what we most certainly know we will do for a decent person who comes into our lives and offers those things we've been missing. Because right now, the other stance is leaving us with nothing at all. Just a thought. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-1479809228358253712013-05-29T08:18:00.001-07:002016-03-25T08:01:07.188-07:00Heart Attack <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Putting my defenses up. Cause I don't wanna fall in love. If I ever did that, I think I'd have a heart attack."- Demi Lovato</i></div>
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I should've known something wicked this way was coming when a Disney teen was singing a song that I felt to my core. </div>
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Anyway, after writing a beautiful ode to my screw 'em and leave 'em mentality of old, apparently I realized I was more than a little attracted to a guy who runs around in the same circles. However, dude is in his mid-20s and we are both Greek. Two elements that could lead to a perfect recipe for a disaster. Yet, whenever we see each other at an event we end up off to ourselves just talking for a lengthy period of time. Conversation is always easy and breezy. There's flirting, buying of drinks, all that good stuff. There is a very drunken sexual proposition at one point and I decline. Blame it on the sensibility and maturity because I probably wouldn't be at this point where I am writing this blog. </div>
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So now I want to hit it. So eventually my dumb ass inquires if he is actually attracted to me and the muthafucka says "Yes." But no, wait for it. "He's trying to figure out what category he wants to put me in." SCREECH!!!! Pump the brakes. There's more categories than "screwable" or "not screwable." Then we go for a walk and just talk about life and crap. After detailing the whole thing to my male friend who is currently on male advice probation for this action, I send him a text to which I still have not received a response. And that was last Tuesday. </div>
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So in the span of a week and a half, I have dealt with all the feelings of vulnerability and rejection that I can stand. And this is quite a bit for a person who deems themselves "dating retarded". So at this point, I think it's best to place said guy in the friend category. And I think I have met my "putting myself out there" quota for 2013. The sad thing is it's so rare that I am ever attracted to a guy so I have no idea when I will do so again because I have not been feeling any of these emotions I've had over the last month. So there. </div>
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But not to leave this post on a negative note, I've learned that apparently my friends, male and female, really believe I'm a great and "deserving woman" who cares about others immensely and with great intensity and should see it returned. Maybe the immensity and intensity is the problem. </div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-30410398846818062232013-04-30T17:29:00.001-07:002016-03-25T07:59:52.472-07:00I Just Wanna (Expletive)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Cuz I'm a little scared of commitment but tonight I'll commit to your body. Cuz I just wanna f**k and not fall in love. I'm over all the pain that love can bring. Tonight I want sex that don't mean a thing"- K. Michelle</i></div>
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Every now and then you are introduced to a song that takes you back to a certain point in your life or really speaks to where you are the moment you hear the song. Who knew such a ratchet woman could do both at the same time. </div>
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Somewhere around circa mid-2000s, this song could've easily been my ringtone (you know you carefully selected your ringtones back then). Coming out of a relationship in 2002 where my self-esteem plummeted after years of cheating and disrespect, I closed off the emotional part of me for a good long minute. However, strangely, I became best friends with my sexuality. If I thought it and wanted to do it, I pretty much did it. Now I'm not saying it came completely without consequences, but there was just a moment where attraction and a warm body just did it for me. </div>
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However, like all good things, that came to an end for a myriad of reasons. Believe it or not, despite popular thought, men can and do get feelings and like seeing future and growth in situations. (Unless they're married, then they just want ass on the side if that's their thing). </div>
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So here I am at 30. While I am way more open to commitment, it requires agreement of my head and my heart and that is pretty much like getting John Boehner and President Obama to agree on an issue. However, after a dry spell, my vajayjay has been speaking loud and clear and while love and commitment appears to be a two-party democracy, I know my vajayjay can be quite totalitarian and say eff the other two. So yeah, on my worst days lately, I have daydreams of just completely having my way with whoever comes to mind or come into view. Luckily for me, my brain does operate my legs so my vajayjay can scream all she wants, it doesn't mean I'm going to go there. Damn maturity and sensibility. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-12584390048729024572013-03-03T09:59:00.001-08:002013-03-03T10:04:21.552-08:00No Scrubs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"No, I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me."-TLC</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So
it appears that I, along with my friends near and far, have been wading along
in the shallow pool for possible contenders as of late. And it hasn’t been
faring well at all.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
for my story, it starts last year when I went to an event and was introduced to
one of my frat brother’s friends. He seemed like a quiet, nice guy. Sometime in
January, I asked a friend if she knew about his relationship status since they
attended the same church. Come a week ago, she informs me that she not only
inquired about his status, but told him who was wondering and got his number
for me to call.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Fast
forward to early in the work week and I make the call. Now, before I go into
making the call, I know that he is a father of two children. But I was attracted
enough to be open minded to that which would definitely be a first for me. But
within a week of conversations and admittedly a Google search, here is what I
have learned: His friends fit into the following three categories: “married,
booed up, and smokers.” White liquor results in him fathering children. He lives
with his mother because his situation with his “psycho” ex resulted in him
losing his home, his car and his and his children’s belongings. He charges his “smoker”
friends to use his urine for drug tests while seeking employment. And here’s
the kicker: if you Google him, the first thing that is posted is his mug shot,
the result of a disagreement with his baby mother (note: not the “psycho” ex). Did
I mention that someone is calling him from strange numbers or private numbers?
And he sent a “good morning” text with a half-naked pic of himself <span style="font-size: small;">throwing up peace sig<span style="font-size: small;">ns </span></span>and he sure
as hell don’t look like Tyrese or Channing Tatum in the body department. To sum
it up, he is too much of a project for me, but I’m sure some ride-or-die chick
will roll hard with him.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This
is why I’m single. I’m initially attracted to and attractive to guys like this.
However, the great thing about maturity is I know to walk away. Furthermore, in
my 20s, I have to admit that my standards for dating weren’t the best but now I’m
secure in the fact that I have standards. Back in the day, a “nice guy” would
be given many chances. Now, not so much. Fortunately or unfortunately,
depending on how you view it, I know I can do well by myself (forget bad)
because I’ve been going strong 10+ years.</span></span></div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-22581216498905240422013-02-10T08:33:00.001-08:002013-02-10T08:33:37.607-08:00Shut Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"So for once, why don't you just shut up. Just shut the (beep) up."- Christina Aguilera</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So for like the past week, I have just been in the weirdest irritable mood. Yes, it was my time of the month, but that is over and I am still in some kind of mood.<br />
<br />
Nothing was done to set this off. It's just that coming at me sideways during this time could result in abnormal reactions like getting cussed out or just being ignored. So I honestly feel that people do not need to come at me right now because I just don't feel like being cordial or diplomatic or just plain nice.<br />
<br />
Christina pretty much sums up exactly how I'm feeling right now in this song. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-59124646313341974672013-01-07T20:04:00.001-08:002016-03-25T07:56:42.511-07:00You Need A Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Girl you know you need a man."- Shanice</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Happy 2013! I'm back. I could promise to do better with this thing, but we'll see.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Anyway, felt like I should start this year off with a 2013 consensus everyone has come to except for me: Tasha needs a man.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
In November 2012, I celebrated 10 years of being completely single. Yep, that's right. No serious romantic relationships in 10 years. (Please do not get that confused with relations, I'm not a nun.)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It began with a holiday party that I attended with my sorors. One of my soror's boyfriends inquired as to the whereabouts of "my boo". (Mind you, the only person I use that term of endearment for is my grandmother because she is a sweetheart and I think it's cute. However, calling a grown man "boo" does not appeal to me.) I inform him that I currently do not have a significant other and he appears shocked. "You got all that and you ain't got no boo." So then he proceeds to inform me and the other single ladies at the party about some ballroom dancing lessons that take place one a month and how some good dudes will be there. That's indicator #1 that supposedly Tasha needs a man.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The next day, two very close friends of mine are enjoying an intoxicated afternoon together while painting. During this fun time, I call to see how they are doing only. Guess what? They want to see me "happy" in 2013. I hang around too many women and I need to go on more dates. All that translates to indicator #2 that Tasha needs a man.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But #3 is the kicker. Here, I will add that my maternal grandmother is my "boo." But I spent my New Year's Day with my dad, my aunt and my paternal grandmother. Let's see if I can recall how she put it. "Go to the gym, put on some makeup and get on it." This was right after calling me Miss Piggy. I heard her loud and clear and what's a pain-in-the-ass consensus without a trifecta, so once again it was concluded that Tasha needs a man.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So I call up one of the few friends I have from high school after hearing all this. And here is a surprise for most people who've only known me as an adult but she had to remind me: "Ummm, Tasha, you never were boy crazy." THANK YOU!!! And she knew me during the time when all girls my age cared about was boys. I was strange and focused on my schoolwork and staying in my zone. A boy just happened to come along that I liked enough to drive my ass crazy later on down the line. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So while trying to focus on the job, family, friends, Zeta, travel and my own sanity, I just ask that everyone waits for a man to come along that I like enough that hopefully won't drive my ass crazy later on down the line this time. And during this time, I promise you that my Magic Mike DVD and my B.O.B. are all that I need until then. </div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-30327860980470496102012-12-25T11:35:00.002-08:002012-12-25T11:35:43.265-08:00All I Want for Christmas is You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you."- Mariah Carey</i></div>
<i><br /></i>
First off Merry Christmas from the great city of Detroit. There has been so much that I wanted to blog about but I've either been too busy or too lazy to. (How's that for a conundrum?) Either way, I wanted to make sure that as much as I love Christmas music, I at least share this joyful bit with you.<br />
<br />
Also, a bonus for those who are still holding the children of Newtown, Conn. in their thoughts and prayers.<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"God bless the child who suffers."- Shania Twain</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!</i></div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-29146913704088221982012-11-01T17:38:00.000-07:002012-11-01T17:38:07.467-07:00Travel the World (Love Uses Time)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"I could have traveled the world but I was somebody's girl. Because I thought it was real. That's how love uses time up."- Keke Wyatt</i><br />
<br />
2012 has proven to be an eye-opener for me.<br />
<i> </i><br />
In the past 12 or so months, I witnessed several of my closest female friends and relatives endure the pain and loss that comes with getting a divorce. And the marriages have run the gamut from 23 years all the way down to four years and everything in between.<br />
<br />
The one common thread in speaking with all of these women is how much time they've not exactly wasted, but consumed, only to begin all over again. For the person who was married 23 years, she is learning during her middle-aged years how to live on her own. Despite having successfully raised three children and running a household, she is finding great difficulty in becoming adjusted to the one-income lifestyle which is something I've been doing for the past eight years.<br />
<br />
She is also dating again and enjoying that. But it's like she is rediscovering our hometown. For the longest, she was one of the many people who immediately dismissed Detroit and would say there's nothing to do there. Not anymore, she is going to poetry events and finding underground venues and just having fun with the current man in her life. Yet, it still amazes me that I seem to know more about our shared hometown and she is that much older than me.<br />
<br />
She is also coming to a point where she is considering returning to school which is something that she never thought about while married. She may actually travel somewhere for something besides a family reunion. It's almost like while she is burdened more than ever, the sky is also the limit. <br />
<br />
While my other friends have not had as drastic situations, they do acknowledge that pretty much all of their 20s was experienced as married women and they are not exactly prepared for what is out there now. I've seen it and depending on how you look at it, it's not much when it comes to dating. But there are opportunities in every other area.<br />
<br />
Now let's look at my life. Yes, student loans are getting on me for the first time ever and I realize why everyone cursed them. Yet, if everything goes as planned, I could be traveling to Italy next year. Then again, there's a part of me that feels like the money I spend may be better going towards paying my credit card debt down. But then again, I probably should do it while I'm younger because who knows what's ahead. But hell, I have the option and I can think about the option. Something that didn't appear to be available to my friends while they were married. Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-5279014232603905552012-10-07T13:11:00.001-07:002012-10-07T13:11:44.200-07:00Happy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Got my dreams. Got my life. Got my love. Got my friends. Got the sunshine above. Why am I making this hard on myself when there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy."- Natasha Bedingfield</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
For the past few days, I have been in a good mood. Not that everything is perfect in my life, but sometimes you just feel good and decide to let it ride out.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've been getting out and about. Got my hair relaxed and it's hanging and swaying like it's supposed to. Hanging out at debate watch parties and comedy shows. Enjoying my company. And when I'm alone, I've been enjoying being by myself. I watched a movie that I had been meaning to see for a couple of years and laughed hard. During this time, I even watched a video that my mom sent me of the family dog just rolling over in the grass like it was the best thing in the world. And I'm not even ashamed to admit I watched it more than once. (Hey, it's not everyday that you see a 10-year-old mutt acting like a puppy.)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
There's no rhyme or reason for this mood. Yet, a couple of weeks ago, I was in a hardcore, reflective funk and there was no real rhyme or reason for that either. Yet, if I can ride out that journey, I can enjoy this cruise. And that's just what I'm going to do. :)</div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-24432894535458302422012-09-25T17:45:00.001-07:002012-09-25T17:45:22.991-07:00Friendship Train<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"We've got to learn to live with each other, no, no matter what the race, creed or color"- Gladys Knight & The Pips</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've had the pleasure of loving a black Republican. And when I say a black Republican, I mean a Rush Limbaugh-loving, welfare-bashing, Reagan-loving Republican. That Republican was my grandfather. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And maybe that's why when I read such FB comments as "all Republicans hate black people" or "the only reason Republicans won't vote for Obama is because he's black", I shudder to think what it must be like for those few black Republicans who do wear their politics on their sleeve. My grandfather was one of those people. Yet back in his day, he could engage in healthy debates. He typically was stubborn, but he never demeaned anybody in his conversations. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I probably also take offense to the whole inclusive statement thing because I hate when people assume I am a Barack Obama-supporter because of the color of my skin. For the record, I consider myself a moderate. I will vote for the person who I believe will fix shit or won't fuck it up anymore (or at the very least won't invite the second coming of 9/11). While right now I can see plenty of reasons why a person wouldn't vote for Romney, I can also see where a person who doesn't agree with President Obama's stances on various issues would vote against him. That's the thing about voting, sometimes it's not so much a vote for someone as much as it is a vote against something. Trust me, I know. My first presidential election was the 2000 election and my second was 2004. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I just hope that at the very least, the conservatives and liberals in my life learn how to coexist peacefully for the remainder of this election season because we will have to long after that first Tuesday in November. I'm all for intelligent discussion and sharing viewpoints, but it would just be nice to do it without all the bashing. </div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-84372342839352287842012-09-07T20:05:00.003-07:002012-09-07T20:05:57.053-07:00Triumphant<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Can't fall down. Stay triumphant. Keep on living. Stay on your toes. Get off the ropes. Don't let 'em ever count you out."- Mariah Carey</i><br />
<br />
Over the course of the past two weeks, I've sat through some of the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention and watching President Barack Obama accept his nomination brought to mind imagery of this song. The president is not backing down even when polls suggest he could be in for a losing battle. <br />
<br />
Working as a journalist for years, my political opinions always were muted in an effort to be objective. For the first time since I could vote, I can watch all of this unfold and vent through social media and this blog. The number one thing that I thought: Anybody can sound like they have all the support in the world when they are preaching to their choir. <br />
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Great speeches were made this past week and my timelines were filled with quotes and photos and the like. That's great and all but as anyone can tell you, it won't matter if you don't show up in November. All the rhetoric in the world does not a re-election or election make. Anyone who thinks any speech made over the past week was so great that they can fall back is a prime example of how thinking too highly of anything can lead to an ultimate downfall. More and more work will be needed as the election draws near. <br />
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<br />Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-20067256950546404102012-09-03T17:43:00.004-07:002012-09-03T17:43:51.877-07:00One More Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"And I be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell."- Maroon 5</i></div>
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This weekend, I visited my parents and grandma with the goal of getting some of the best barbecue ribs in the Midwest. That goal was so met.</div>
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However, in the course of trying to get to these ribs, I had a conversation with my mother where she pretty much insinuated that I was having a very active sex life. I neither confirmed nor denied these allegations for I feared that a denial would lead to lesbian questions and a confirmation would lead to other questions. </div>
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The simple truth is I haven't hooked up with anyone in months. Why? Because the older I get, the more I realize that it is harder to have uncomplicated sex. Either someone will want to get more involved, have a higher sex drive or the person you really want in your bed wants someone else. Or you just put yourself in a situation that you know is not really healthy for you mentally or even physically and that leads to what Maroon 5 speaks of in this song. But of course that is the situation that you become addicted to. </div>
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So now I'm at the point where I can look at a guy and in my mind, evaluate whether he is doable and whether I want to deal with any aftereffects. At the moment, that second answer is a resounding "no" for everybody. </div>
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Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-34530209941136087382012-08-31T20:15:00.002-07:002012-08-31T20:15:49.692-07:00Oh What A Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Oh what a night, Oh what a night. Straight shots of Patron and a slice of lime. And I got myself too drunk to drive."-Elle Varner</i></div>
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That used to be me, particularly in my mid-20s and when I lived in Mississippi and Georgia. </div>
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Do you want to know what my original plans were for tonight? I was going to have a "me" date after spending last weekend with my sorors and just having a looooooooong week. Seriously I would've lost my head if it wasn't attached to my neck. I know this because I lost everything else. It was definitely time to just enjoy being by myself. </div>
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Anywho after earning myself a date with myself, I was supposed to take myself to Mellow Mushroom, watch the <i>Think Like A Man </i>DVD, and end the night with a really great orgasm. Wanna know the only thing that happened? I purchased the DVD. This date was an epic fail. Only I can find a way to give myself a raincheck. However, I did spend a nice chunk of the time speaking to my friend who had been in the hospital so that's a good reason.</div>
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Still, I can't help but think that maybe I need to make more of an effort to get out in Columbus on the weekends. Possibly with shots of Patron or some dark liquor. However, I still plan to make the "me" date happen eventually. I deserve it. LOL!</div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2852579554334542497.post-74487096726420872792012-08-16T18:59:00.000-07:002012-08-16T18:59:09.408-07:00Tell Me No<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-style: italic;">"Tell me no and I'll show you I can."-Whitney Houston</span></div>
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Earlier this week, I was reminded why whenever my mother asks me how's everything at my job, I normally just say "good" or fine."</div>
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For some reason during this conversation, I actually decided to share with my mom a portion of what I had been thinking recently. And of course, she shot down the idea. </div>
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For some women, their mothers are their biggest supporters in their lives. For me, I would have to say my mother is the biggest naysayer in my life. It's very rare that she will support something as I'm going to it, but she is often the first one to pat me on the back and brag when I have completed the task. </div>
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After years of this, I realize that I shut down as soon as any idea of mine is dismissed or someone puts down anything I put forth that I care about. I have been noticing it more around friends and even in meetings. If you deem my idea idiotic or treat it as a nonfactor, I pretty much opt not to say anything else. </div>
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So now, even though I have boasted on this blog about living a solo lifestyle socially, I think I may move in that direction in a service capacity as well. And who knows what will happen with my job. But trust that just because I'm not say anything, it doesn't mean I'm not doing anything. ;)</div>
Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13616804054628645921noreply@blogger.com1