Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I Just Wanna (Expletive)

"Cuz I'm a little scared of commitment but tonight I'll commit to your body. Cuz I just wanna f**k and not fall in love. I'm over all the pain that love can bring. Tonight I want sex that don't mean a thing"- K. Michelle

Every now and then you are introduced to a song that takes you back to a certain point in your life or really speaks to where you are the moment you hear the song. Who knew such a ratchet woman could do both at the same time. 

Somewhere around circa mid-2000s, this song could've easily been my ringtone (you know you carefully selected your ringtones back then). Coming out of a relationship in 2002 where my self-esteem plummeted after years of cheating and disrespect, I closed off the emotional part of me for a good long minute. However, strangely, I became best friends with my sexuality. If I thought it and wanted to do it, I pretty much did it. Now I'm not saying it came completely without consequences, but there was just a moment where attraction and a warm body just did it for me.

However, like all good things, that came to an end for a myriad of reasons. Believe it or not, despite popular thought, men can and do get feelings and like seeing future and growth in situations. (Unless they're married, then they just want ass on the side if that's their thing). 

So here I am at 30. While I am way more open to commitment, it requires agreement of my head and my heart and that is pretty much like getting John Boehner and President Obama to agree on an issue. However, after a dry spell, my vajayjay has been speaking loud and clear and while love and commitment appears to be a two-party democracy, I know my vajayjay can be quite totalitarian and say eff the other two. So yeah, on my worst days lately, I have daydreams of just completely having my way with whoever comes to mind or come into view. Luckily for me, my brain does operate my legs so my vajayjay can scream all she wants, it doesn't mean I'm going to go there. Damn maturity and sensibility.