I Just Wanna (Expletive)

"Cuz I'm a little scared of commitment but tonight I'll commit to your body. Cuz I just wanna f**k and not fall in love. I'm over all the pain that love can bring. Tonight I want sex that don't mean a thing"- K. Michelle

Every now and then you are introduced to a song that takes you back to a certain point in your life or really speaks to where you are the moment you hear the song. Who knew such a ratchet woman could do both at the same time. 

Somewhere around circa mid-2000s, this song could've easily been my ringtone (you know you carefully selected your ringtones back then). Coming out of a relationship in 2002 where my self-esteem plummeted after years of cheating and disrespect, I closed off the emotional part of me for a good long minute. However, strangely, I became best friends with my sexuality. If I thought it and wanted to do it, I pretty much did it. Now I'm not saying it came completely without consequences, but there was just a moment where attraction and a warm body just did it for me.

However, like all good things, that came to an end for a myriad of reasons. Believe it or not, despite popular thought, men can and do get feelings and like seeing future and growth in situations. (Unless they're married, then they just want ass on the side if that's their thing). 

So here I am at 30. While I am way more open to commitment, it requires agreement of my head and my heart and that is pretty much like getting John Boehner and President Obama to agree on an issue. However, after a dry spell, my vajayjay has been speaking loud and clear and while love and commitment appears to be a two-party democracy, I know my vajayjay can be quite totalitarian and say eff the other two. So yeah, on my worst days lately, I have daydreams of just completely having my way with whoever comes to mind or come into view. Luckily for me, my brain does operate my legs so my vajayjay can scream all she wants, it doesn't mean I'm going to go there. Damn maturity and sensibility.

No Scrubs

"No, I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me."-TLC

So it appears that I, along with my friends near and far, have been wading along in the shallow pool for possible contenders as of late. And it hasn’t been faring well at all.

As for my story, it starts last year when I went to an event and was introduced to one of my frat brother’s friends. He seemed like a quiet, nice guy. Sometime in January, I asked a friend if she knew about his relationship status since they attended the same church. Come a week ago, she informs me that she not only inquired about his status, but told him who was wondering and got his number for me to call.

Fast forward to early in the work week and I make the call. Now, before I go into making the call, I know that he is a father of two children. But I was attracted enough to be open minded to that which would definitely be a first for me. But within a week of conversations and admittedly a Google search, here is what I have learned: His friends fit into the following three categories: “married, booed up, and smokers.” White liquor results in him fathering children. He lives with his mother because his situation with his “psycho” ex resulted in him losing his home, his car and his and his children’s belongings. He charges his “smoker” friends to use his urine for drug tests while seeking employment. And here’s the kicker: if you Google him, the first thing that is posted is his mug shot, the result of a disagreement with his baby mother (note: not the “psycho” ex). Did I mention that someone is calling him from strange numbers or private numbers? And he sent a “good morning” text with a half-naked pic of himself throwing up peace signs and he sure as hell don’t look like Tyrese or Channing Tatum in the body department. To sum it up, he is too much of a project for me, but I’m sure some ride-or-die chick will roll hard with him.

This is why I’m single. I’m initially attracted to and attractive to guys like this. However, the great thing about maturity is I know to walk away. Furthermore, in my 20s, I have to admit that my standards for dating weren’t the best but now I’m secure in the fact that I have standards. Back in the day, a “nice guy” would be given many chances. Now, not so much. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you view it, I know I can do well by myself (forget bad) because I’ve been going strong 10+ years.

Shut Up

"So for once, why don't you just shut up. Just shut the (beep) up."- Christina Aguilera

So for like the past week, I have just been in the weirdest irritable mood. Yes, it was my time of the month, but that is over and I am still in some kind of mood.

Nothing was done to set this off. It's just that coming at me sideways during this time could result in abnormal reactions like getting cussed out or just being ignored. So I honestly feel that people do not need to come at me right now because I just don't feel like being cordial or diplomatic or just plain nice.

Christina pretty much sums up exactly how I'm feeling right now in this song.

You Need A Man

"Girl you know you need a man."- Shanice

Happy 2013! I'm back. I could promise to do better with this thing, but we'll see.

Anyway, felt like I should start this year off with a 2013 consensus everyone has come to except for me: Tasha needs a man.

In November 2012, I celebrated 10 years of being completely single. Yep, that's right. No serious romantic relationships in 10 years. (Please do not get that confused with relations, I'm not a nun.)

It began with a holiday party that I attended with my sorors. One of my soror's boyfriends inquired as to the whereabouts of "my boo". (Mind you, the only person I use that term of endearment for is my grandmother because she is a sweetheart and I think it's cute. However, calling a grown man "boo" does not appeal to me.) I inform him that I currently do not have a significant other and he appears shocked. "You got all that and you ain't got no boo." So then he proceeds to inform me and the other single ladies at the party about some ballroom dancing lessons that take place one a month and how some good dudes will be there. That's indicator #1 that supposedly Tasha needs a man.

The next day, two very close friends of mine are enjoying an intoxicated afternoon together while painting. During this fun time, I call to see how they are doing only. Guess what? They want to see me "happy" in 2013. I hang around too many women and I need to go on more dates. All that translates to indicator #2 that Tasha needs a man.

But #3 is the kicker. Here, I will add that my maternal grandmother is my "boo." But I spent my New Year's Day with my dad, my aunt and my paternal grandmother. Let's see if I can recall how she put it. "Go to the gym, put on some makeup and get on it." This was right after calling me Miss Piggy. I heard her loud and clear and what's a pain-in-the-ass consensus without a trifecta, so once again it was concluded that Tasha needs a man.

So I call up one of the few friends I have from high school after hearing all this.  And here is a surprise for most people who've only known me as an adult but she had to remind me: "Ummm, Tasha, you never were boy crazy." THANK YOU!!! And she knew me during the time when all girls my age cared about was boys. I was strange and focused on my schoolwork and staying in my zone. A boy just happened to come along that I liked enough to drive my ass crazy later on down the line.

So while trying to focus on the job, family, friends, Zeta, travel and my own sanity, I just ask that everyone waits for a man to come along that I like enough that hopefully won't drive my ass crazy later on down the line this time. And during this time, I promise you that my Magic Mike DVD and my B.O.B. are all that I need until then.

All I Want for Christmas is You

"Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you."- Mariah Carey

First off Merry Christmas from the great city of Detroit. There has been so much that I wanted to blog about but I've either been too busy or too lazy to. (How's that for a conundrum?) Either way, I wanted to make sure that as much as I love Christmas music, I at least share this joyful bit with you.

Also, a bonus for those who are still holding the children of Newtown, Conn. in their thoughts and prayers.

"God bless the child who suffers."- Shania Twain

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Travel the World (Love Uses Time)

"I could have traveled the world but I was somebody's girl. Because I thought it was real. That's how love uses time up."- Keke Wyatt

2012 has proven to be an eye-opener for me.

In the past 12 or so months, I witnessed several of my closest female friends and relatives endure the pain and loss that comes with getting a divorce. And the marriages have run the gamut from 23 years all the way down to four years and everything in between.

The one common thread in speaking with all of these women is how much time they've not exactly wasted, but consumed, only to begin all over again.  For the person who was married 23 years, she is learning during her middle-aged years how to live on her own. Despite having successfully raised three children and running a household, she is finding great difficulty in becoming adjusted to the one-income lifestyle which is something I've been doing for the past eight years.

She is also dating again and enjoying that. But it's like she is rediscovering our hometown. For the longest, she was one of the many people who immediately dismissed Detroit and would say there's nothing to do there. Not anymore, she is going to poetry events and finding underground venues and just having fun with the current man in her life. Yet, it still amazes me that I seem to know more about our shared hometown and she is that much older than me.

She is also coming to a point where she is considering returning to school which is something that she never thought about while married. She may actually travel somewhere for something besides a family reunion. It's almost like while she is burdened more than ever, the sky is also the limit.

While my other friends have not had as drastic situations, they do acknowledge that pretty much all of their 20s was experienced as married women and they are not exactly prepared for what is out there now. I've seen it and depending on how you look at it, it's not much when it comes to dating. But there are opportunities in every other area.

Now let's look at my life. Yes, student loans are getting on me for the first time ever and I realize why everyone cursed them. Yet, if everything goes as planned, I could be traveling to Italy next year. Then again, there's a part of me that feels like the money I spend may be better going towards paying my credit card debt down. But then again, I probably should do it while I'm younger because who knows what's ahead. But hell, I have the option and I can think about the option. Something that didn't appear to be available to my friends while they were married.

Happy

"Got my dreams. Got my life. Got my love. Got my friends. Got the sunshine above. Why am I making this hard on myself when there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy."- Natasha Bedingfield

For the past few days, I have been in a good mood. Not that everything is perfect in my life, but sometimes you just feel good and decide to let it ride out.

I've been getting out and about. Got my hair relaxed and it's hanging and swaying like it's supposed to. Hanging out at debate watch parties and comedy shows. Enjoying my company. And when I'm alone, I've been enjoying being by myself. I watched a movie that I had been meaning to see for a couple of years and laughed hard. During this time, I even watched a video that my mom sent me of the family dog just rolling over in the grass like it was the best thing in the world. And I'm not even ashamed to admit I watched it more than once. (Hey, it's not everyday that you see a 10-year-old mutt acting like a puppy.)

There's no rhyme or reason for this mood. Yet, a couple of weeks ago, I was in a hardcore, reflective funk and there was no real rhyme or reason for that either. Yet, if I can ride out that journey, I can enjoy this cruise. And that's just what I'm going to do. :)