"Why did I ever like you? What did I see? Whatever it was must have been some kind of illusion. A magic trick on me."- Pink
Funny how time, maturity and actions will completely change how you view a person. Things you once deemed acceptable are no longer allowed. Things that you thought were attractive qualities you now abhor.
In the past few months, I have been contacted by people who I thought were long gone. Some were men from my past while others were former friends that I realized I could do better without. With each communication, I sat there with the same thought: Why the hell are you contacting me?
People who know me well are fully aware that if you are of any real importance to me, I make an effort to contact you and I am often more than thrilled when you contact me. There is a very small list of people who I just wonder why I even gave my number. Well, I know why, but once I stopped using theirs, I kind of wish they had forgotten mine.
For one person, it was pretty much a friend who valued me much less than I valued them. I realized I didn't have time to catch people in lies or have the things that I love and value insulted just because it wasn't their thing. There was also the thing about being there when they needed me but them not being there when I needed them. I pretty much got sick of it and told them I didn't need it.
The others were pretty much guys. And I've already explained a little bit about how I like to draw boundaries and can be quite withholding. I'm working on that with new people. But many of the men from my past know how I allowed them to treat me and therefore, I want to leave that back there. Some were just downright arrogant. Others were disrespectful. (Hey, I found it easier to screw assholes and treat them like shit. Screwing over nice guys is something I definitely try to avoid.)
So as you can see, I have a history of people who don't treat me the best. Why that was, I don't know. But I am seeing things so much more clearly now. And wondering why I put myself through it.