Oops, I Did It Again

“Oops I did it again. I played with your heart. Got lost in the game.”- Britney Spears

When I was a teenager, this was just a song with a cool video that had my closest bisexual friend mimicking the choreography in the middle of class.  Mind you, he was in the closet then, but this was a big hint of things to come. 

Nevertheless, I digress.  As a person awaiting the often-fabled thirties, I can’t help but to think how this song has actually applied to my life over the years.

Despite being single for nine years, I have to admit some men have attempted to pursue something of substance with me.  Those nine years are evidence that they failed or I failed.  Hell, someone failed.

I can’t tell you how many times men have gotten frustrated with me after our first hours-long conversation went extremely well.  Apparently, I’m into a lot of things that other women are not into and a lot of things that women are into, I’m not.  I can be so involved. Hell, I can learn your whole life story.

As a former journalist, it’s pretty easy for me to recall information and show interest.  So during any follow-up call, one may get excited that I recall the little details.  I’ll tell you about my day.

But I kind of have this really bad habit of not initiating communication unless I really like a guy.  It may appear as I’m playing hard to get. Unfortunately, it really means one has not reached a level of interest where I feel like calling or texting.  And then I get hit with the “I don’t think you’re really feeling me.” And I tend to want to go “you’re right.”

What can I say? Like most women, I appreciate the attention, however, it takes a little more to keep my interest and trust, that more is not arrogance and cockiness.  Maybe I should just stop smiling and saying hello back.