Thursday, July 21, 2011

Led You On

"Now I'm refunding you your feelings for the truth."-Noel Gourdin

Honesty.  We all say we want it but do we really?  Can we actually handle it?  For instance, this song is an example of very direct honesty which is one reason that I love it.  Though, I definitely would not want a guy serenading me with it.  But I would appreciate the guy being upfront about it.

As I have entered the last year of my 20s, I realize that not only am I appreciating honesty even more, but I am becoming an even greater fan of the direct approach.  Since I've been single, I notice that I do my damnedest to take situations for what they are.  If we're hooking up, we're hooking up.  If we're dating, we're dating.  If we're friends, we are friends.  If we're friends who occasionally hook up...yeah, I  try to avoid that.  Why? Because it leads to thinking which can lead to feelings which can lead to awkwardness, possessiveness and all kinds of BS emotions.  Nobody has time for all that and that is where most of my issues with honesty have come from in the last nine years or so.

I think I am fairly good at drawing boundaries.  We've already established that I have issues with people, particularly guys, getting too close.  If I really don't like you or am not interested in a relationship, I just don't talk to you.  If I mildly enjoy your company, I may entertain your conversation for awhile. 

But those damn friends with benefits.  I'm not exactly great with establishing the boundaries.  I actually care to some extent about them and what they think about me.  I also question where I stand more often than not.  And unlike the other guys in my life, they are the main ones who never give a direct answer or maybe I'm not listening.  I just know I don't like murky.  Murky makes you think and feel too much.  I don't like that. 

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