Saturday, March 31, 2012


"Even when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest with an S on my chest. Oh yes, I'm a superwoman."- Alicia Keys

Today I applied window film to the windows above my blinds to discontinue the peep show that I'm sure my neighbors across the street were getting. No more Lane Bryant lingerie fashion shows for you. :P

Anyway, let's just say this exercise took two valiant efforts of which the second was the most successful. It may not be perfect but damnit, I did it myself.

So here is a list of tips I created after the situation to possibly help some other unsuspecting single woman who lives hundreds of miles from her closet male friends and most importantly, her father.

1. If you should ever decide to place window film on your windows, do not get any with the adhesive backing unless the window measures like 3 ft. X 3 ft. Trust me, you are asking for a Lucille Ball-esque disaster of sitcom proportions. Oh and buy the kit to help you put it up.

2. Anything that says it can be put up in a matter of minutes is a damn lie if you're doing this by yourself. I'm tempted to go back to the hardware store and write false advertisement over every box.

2. If you are vertically challenged like myself, it may be wise to invest in the step-stool with three steps instead of two. This was not a problem until I decided 9 ft. ceilings were pretty.

3. However, if you only have the one with two steps, it's time to get the most money out of the highest pair of heels that you trust on a step-stool. For me, it was a pair of boots. But as I said, damnit it got done.

4. There will be many instructions to such an activity. I can also promise you that there will be some improvisation. As long as it looks decent, nobody will be mad at you.

5. Once you complete such a task, call your dad. If he is anything like mine, he will say how proud he is of you. Why? Because no matter how many degrees you earn and jobs you have, your dad wants to know you can take care of yourself. Projects like this make him feel better.

6. If you use your tits and ass to your advantage with the right kind male stranger or fraternity brother, you won't have to worry about the rest of these tips. I swear that's what I'm going to do next time because this was a workout and a half.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

None of Your Business

"Now who do you think you are? Putting your cheap two-cents in. Don't you got nothin' to do than worry about my friends."- Salt-N-Pepa

For the past month or so, it seems that the United States and the states within it have declared that its newest war is on the rights and the uteruses of women. Laws calling for ultrasounds, heartbeats and detailed explanations before abortions are being proposed and passed. My most recent favorite is the one stating that employers in Arizona could choose not to cover birth control for female employees.

Talk about some bullshit. Part of me thinks that this is a direct result of men being pissed that in recent years, studies have shown that women survived the recession better than men did, getting more education and holding on to more jobs. When you look at the legislators sponsoring these bills, they are almost always white males. (Don't get me wrong, conversations with black men indicate they also have a great tendency to be pro-life.)Seriously, what is supposed to slow a woman down quicker than a baby? Hell, that's why we need the birth control coverage. And I am very much pro-choice because I think some women who already have children shouldn't be mothers. Actually, I will go so far as saying that if abortion was outlawed, we would see more deaths of women resulting from illegal abortions and more Casey Anthonys, i.e. women who get fed up with the children they didn't want in the first place who get rid of them any way they can.

But men want us to have children. They want the miracle that begins at conception to exist in this world. So here is what I would like to see happen if these laws and bills were to pass. Every woman should learn the name of any local politician who supported such a passage in any shape or form. Should she decides that the legislator played a role in keeping her from not bringing an unwanted child in this world, she should be able to leave her newborn child within 72 hours of birth on the doorstop of said politician with no questions asked. It's sort of like the Safe Haven laws because these politicians do profess to be protecting these "innocent, unborn children."

If men want them so badly, they should have the primary responsibility of making sure they are taken care of. And some have argued that these laws would make women think twice about who they sleep with, but I'm pretty sure that unless you find a way to make sex feel utterly terrible, unwanted pregnancy isn't going away. Though, all these men could help by teaching all their sons, grandsons, nephews and the other male members of the generations coming after them to "just say no" to vajayjay. Hell, a Republican woman even came up with that slogan. Plus, isn't there still an economy that needs saving and people without jobs.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


"I'm a believer, not just a dreamer. I'm giving everything a got. I'm a go-getter. 100-percenter."-Mariah Carey

I've come to a very important conclusion about the people that I surround myself with. Half-assers and I do not get along that well.

Seriously, I can only tolerate so much of people whose dreams and plans only truly exist as fantasies. If you want to be in fashion, work runway shows, network, maybe even move to New York, LA or Miami. You may be eating Ramen Noodles for awhile but you will at least be a step closer to your goals. If you truly need a job, don't just complain and say I need a job. Go out and network. When people give you job leads, take them up on it. Don't say suggestions are too far or you're too good for something because broke and in debt is never too good for an actual paycheck.

And I've come to realize part of the reason why I am like this. Most of the people that I associate with on a regular basis are do-ers. I have one friend that is pretty much in the process of starting a business while also writing a book. Another friend decided that she wanted to live a healthier lifestyle so she spends a great chunk of her week working out. I cannot name the countless successful associates and friends from college who have gone on to become architects, editors and doctors. My linesister is going for her Ph.D. and she's a single mom with two kids. My married niece is currently working on her Ph.D., working as a teacher and working as a hardcore Mary Kay consultant (She wants to drive a pink Cadillac Escalade like the ones in the majors.) In the past two years, one of my friends has gotten married, attended school for a degree in education and joined my sorority. If you notice, I don't say they're talking about doing, they're doing. And we won't even go into all the craziness I've done over the past 12 years to make sure that I'm growing as a person.

So yeah, for all those reasons, I can't be dealing with half-assers on a regular basis. I know too many 100 percenters.

Sexy To Me

"Mind. Check. Body. Check. My sensuality. Check. Car keys and my paycheck. Now I'm ready. Danger."- JoJo

Ok, so I know I am way overdue on a feel-good song and this song definitely goes into that category. Even if it's not a Friday.

Because I will have a busy traveling schedule in the next coming months, I figured that it would be better to get on planning my 30th birthday celebration well in advance. Especially since it will cost a nice little amount of money. It will involve D.C., the Michael Jackson Immortal Cirque du Soleil tour, a boutique hotel and hopefully good liquor, good food and good friends. 

So when I heard this song, despite it being so far in advance, I was like this soooooooooo needs to be my birthday anthem. Though I have no plans on buying a round of shots because it's my birthday (Hey, birthday shots should not be bought by me, they should be bought for me.), I plan on making my birthday weekend all about me and this song definitely embodies that. Plus, I almost never try to keep the focus solely on me and I deserve to every once in awhile. So I will not be trying to catch up with people who are not willing to come where I'm at. The only plans I will truly care about are my own. Hell, everybody else gets to so why not? I already have at least one friend down to be the passenger on this ride. Some tickets have been purchased. Room has been booked. I just need to get through the next couple of months.