Just Got Paid

"Just got paid Friday night."- Johnny Kemp


After re-entering the world of full-time employment, I finally got my first paycheck this week.  And I must say that it feels quite good.


Rent has been paid. Utilities have been paid. Other debtors have been paid.  Now it's time for me to figure out how to make a check last an entire month while also making and having plans.


See, between now and the end of the September, I plan to be out of town for at least four weekends.  In August, I have a wedding to attend.  In September, I plan to visit my alma mater as well as fellowship with my sorors in Michigan for a couple of weekends. 


And let's not forget that in a few months, I will no longer be in the grace period for my stupid loans. So if I want to be at a great concert with Tank, Chrisette Michele and Avant less than 48 hours after I get my check, so be it. 

Why Did I Ever Like You?

"Why did I ever like you? What did I see? Whatever it was must have been some kind of illusion.  A magic trick on me."- Pink


Funny how time, maturity and actions will completely change how you view a person.  Things you once deemed acceptable are no longer allowed.  Things that you thought were attractive qualities you now abhor.  


In the past few months, I have been contacted by people who I thought were long gone.  Some were men from my past while others were former friends that I realized I could do better without.  With each communication, I sat there with the same thought: Why the hell are you contacting me?


People who know me well are fully aware that if you are of any real importance to me, I make an effort to contact you and I am often more than thrilled when you contact me.  There is a very small list of people who I just wonder why I even gave my number.  Well, I know why, but once I stopped using theirs, I kind of wish they had forgotten mine. 


For one person, it was pretty much a friend who valued me much less than I valued them.  I realized I didn't have time to catch people in lies or have the things that I love and value insulted just because it wasn't their thing.  There was also the thing about being there when they needed me but them not being there when I needed them.  I pretty much got sick of it and told them I didn't need it.


The others were pretty much guys.  And I've already explained a little bit about how I like to draw boundaries and can be quite withholding.  I'm working on that with new people.  But many of the men from my past know how I allowed them to treat me and therefore, I want to leave that back there.  Some were just downright arrogant.  Others were disrespectful.  (Hey, I found it easier to screw assholes and treat them like shit.  Screwing over nice guys is something I definitely try to avoid.)


So as you can see, I have a history of people who don't treat me the best.  Why that was, I don't know.  But I am seeing things so much more clearly now.  And wondering why I put myself through it.

A Woman, A Lover, A Friend

"I don't want a fancy girl with powder and paint. And I don't want a woman who think she's a saint. I'm looking for someone who's not make-believe and doesn't mind giving so that she may receive."- Jackie Wilson


Let me preface this by saying I prefer the Otis Redding version, but the words and the sentiment are just the same.as


In the event that I ever fall in love or enter a relationship again, this is the song that describes how I would like for him to think about me. This song talks about someone very real (which is getting harder to come by) who is about very much about giving her man all the love that he needs, but who is still flawed.  It talks about being understanding as well as being there for him.  But it also talks about him being willing to give just as much as she doles out.


Not only does this song contain a sense of yearning, it also contains the sense that love and respect are earned in a relationship.  M.A.C. and CoverGirl nor stillettos and weaves will automatically result in acquiring such if you don't put in the man hours of communication and attention.  And there is no concealer powerful enough to mask the problems that come about in a relationship from the lack of those two.


Either way, I would like to think that if I ever met someone worth it, I would invest the time to get to a place where this song would remind a guy of me. 

The Lazy Song

"Today, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed."- Bruno Mars


It's Friday and Fridays are meant for fun and freedom. So I'm going to do my best when I post on Fridays to pick songs that are light or just put me in a good mood for no reason.  And I plan to keep my blogs short.  So I'm doing nothing as I am looking ahead to a weekend of car service, ribs, jazz, and cleaning around the house.  Happy weekends everyone!

Led You On

"Now I'm refunding you your feelings for the truth."-Noel Gourdin


Honesty.  We all say we want it but do we really?  Can we actually handle it?  For instance, this song is an example of very direct honesty which is one reason that I love it.  Though, I definitely would not want a guy serenading me with it.  But I would appreciate the guy being upfront about it.


As I have entered the last year of my 20s, I realize that not only am I appreciating honesty even more, but I am becoming an even greater fan of the direct approach.  Since I've been single, I notice that I do my damnedest to take situations for what they are.  If we're hooking up, we're hooking up.  If we're dating, we're dating.  If we're friends, we are friends.  If we're friends who occasionally hook up...yeah, I  try to avoid that.  Why? Because it leads to thinking which can lead to feelings which can lead to awkwardness, possessiveness and all kinds of BS emotions.  Nobody has time for all that and that is where most of my issues with honesty have come from in the last nine years or so.


I think I am fairly good at drawing boundaries.  We've already established that I have issues with people, particularly guys, getting too close.  If I really don't like you or am not interested in a relationship, I just don't talk to you.  If I mildly enjoy your company, I may entertain your conversation for awhile. 


But those damn friends with benefits.  I'm not exactly great with establishing the boundaries.  I actually care to some extent about them and what they think about me.  I also question where I stand more often than not.  And unlike the other guys in my life, they are the main ones who never give a direct answer or maybe I'm not listening.  I just know I don't like murky.  Murky makes you think and feel too much.  I don't like that. 

Champagnechronicnightcap

"Now I don't wanna step out tonight. What do you think about that? Does it sound like a plan? And I don't wanna feel out a crowd."-Solange

Two very important things about me: 1) I am a homebody at my core.  2) I don't feel comfortable doing everything with everybody.  To that extent, I don't feel comfortable doing everything with everybody in my home.  As a matter of fact, I don't feel comfortable having everybody in my home.  The number of dates and guys in my life greatly contrasts with the number of guys who have been in my home whether it was in Hattiesburg, Warner Robins or Detroit.  Something tells me this will not change in Columbus.

I truly feel that my home is my sanctuary and I treat it as such.  My home is a reflection of who I am and I haven't been big on revealing all of that to people for a long time.   

Yet, especially when it comes to guys, there are only a couple of guys who I would feel completely comfortable having in my home, partaking of my favorite hobbies (which, by the way, does not include the second word making up the song title) and finding out all that is important to me by seeing my pictures or my book collection.  And none of those guys have lived in the same state as me.  Nor were we ever in a situation where it would be appropriate for them to visit me when I lived somewhere decent. :(

Oh well, maybe one day I will invite someone over for a Champagnechronicnightcap.  But without the chronic.  

Uncharted

 

"I'm already out of foolproof ideas. So don't ask me how to get started.  It's all uncharted."- Sara Bareilles


I am an 80s baby and one the greatest untruths passed down to my generation was that if we went to college, our entire lives would be set.  All we needed to do was pick a career and be loyal to it for like 30 years and wait for that retirement to kick in.  However, once the late 90s kicked in, we realized that was a bunch of BS.  


I graduated with my bachelor's degree in journalism in 2004 and worked in the industry for five years.  Throughout that five years, I saw so many people get laid off and fall out of love with the industry.  Most people didn't fall out of law with writing, but it was the corporate craziness and the low morale that accompanied it.  Eventually, it got to me.  The stress was causing my hair to shed like crazy and me to spit up blood on a too-frequent basis.  Also, I was thinking what if I decided to have children or get married one day, my hours would not work.  At the time, I figured it was time to look at greener pastures and go a route that I thought I never would- graduate school. 


Fast forward to May 2011, I graduated with my Master's degree in Library and Information Science after quitting my job, dropping everything and moving back to my hometown of Detroit. Was it worth it? So far, I would say yes.  I have a fellowship and I am enjoying what I'm learning.


I know it appeared to be a dramatic change, but it still never ceases to amaze me when people compliment me for being so brave.  I was reminded of that a week ago when I was out with a group of ladies.  A couple of the women in the group had quit their very good, stable jobs.  One had decided to attend law school while the other one just decided to take a break.  And all the people at the table complimented us for our bravery in taking the road less traveled.


I can't say much about being brave. Losing our damn minds maybe.  But I don't know about brave.  I just know that there comes a time when you've decided that you have had enough and realize you can do something about it.  Yeah, it can be scary as hell especially when you realize you have gone way off course.  But all great ventures involve risk, right?

Always Be My Baby

"You'll always be a part of me. I'm a part of you indefinitely."- Mariah Carey

November 2011 will mark nine years of what one of my friends calls my "official singledom".  After five years of on and off with my first boyfriend, it was time to call it quits (officially).  He simply asked if I was still in love with him and I simply said no. It was what it was (officially).  I may explain the parentheses at a later date. 
However, early in the relationship when we were young, dumb and full of cum, there were good times and the Mariah Carey song on this post was our song.  And I swear since moving to Columbus, I have heard that song on the radio every time I get in my car.  Now I don't get butterflies or nor do I feel the urge to gag when I hear it now,  I am just simply reminded. 
Also after a few years of my ex not being a fleeting thought, he has entered my dreams on at least two occasions in the past few months with last night being one.  Last night's dream was more of a sexual nature and I will spare y'all the details.  However the other dream was around the time I graduated with my Master's degree.  In the dream, he said he just stopped me to congratulate me and say how proud he was of me.  If I ever explain the parentheses, you may see why I was surprised at that particular dream.
All I know is I managed to return to my hometown for nearly 2 years and not have a single run-in with him, but yet and still he manages to seep into my subconscience at times.  I don't know if all this is a reminder that someone really cared for me once or just a joke being played on me by the universe.  

I Got This

"Packed all my clothes, shut the door. Back on the road to success".- Jennifer Hudson


This song right here became my anthem this past spring.  See, after a two-year hiatus from an actual career a.k.a. graduate school, I was stepping back out seeking full-time employment once again.  And on top of that, I was seeking employment in a completely different career field- in an economy that is either still in or leaving a recession depending on the day of the week and who you ask.  I had left the journalism industry to pursue a job in library science.


Now just so you know, I love me some Jennifer Hudson and I had bought her recent album on the day it came out. (FYI: The ITunes pre-order are thisclose when it comes to my favorite artists.)  That day, I listened to it and came away with a few favorites.  However, it was nearly a month later when I was driving down to Ohio to interview for the fellowship that I have now that I really listened to this song.  And all of a sudden, I had to put it on repeat.  It became a mantra of sorts. I remember being in the hotel room listening to it over and over again as I prepared my presentation for the interview.  It was just something about this song that just boosted my confidence and encouraged me.  I even made this song my ringtone.  I was not playing. 


The song mainly talked about being confident in your goals and just continuing to try to get there despite what others may think or say. And when you tell a bunch of young, urban professional friends that you plan to attend school for library science, you will receive a lot of WTH faces.  But life is about doing what you want to do. And right now, this is what I want to do. And I'm giving it my 100 percent.  And if you ask me, as the song says, I got this. 

Radio

"I think I'm in love with my radio. It never lets me down"- Beyonce

This is the most recent in many attempts to start a blog and I figure if I focus the blog on something that I love, I may stick with it.  And one thing anybody will tell you that I love is music.  My Ipod contains music from so many genres and artists that I'm almost scared to put it on shuffle as I have no clue what may come next. 

My love affair with music began at a tender young age where I was still running around in lavender footie pajamas. One Christmas, my parents introduced me to what may quite possibly be my first love.   

That Fisher-Price radio remained at my side at all times and I remember what my favorite station was at the time. It was when 96.3 FM in Detroit played a mixture of music.  You could hear everything from rock to pop to R&B and it was a beautiful thing.  I don't know how many tone-deaf renditions of Shirley Murdock and Denise Williams my family had to endure with that microphone, but I know I loved every minute of it.  Somehow, the microphone went missing, but I'm sure that was an accident.  I just knew that whenever it was on, I was focused.  Music made my world go round.  And my mom figured this out, but got a little wiser which led to this next present.

Yes, notice there is no microphone, but there is a cassette player.  And I felt so in control when I purchased my very first cassette, MC Hammer's "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em".  I won't go into all the radios, Walkmans, Discmans, stereos, mp3 players and Ipods I owned after this radio, just know that there were a lot and each has a special place in my heart as each played the music that eventually became the soundtrack of my life.  For every event or situation, I can think of a song.

Which brings me to the point of this blog.  Today, I turned 29 and I am peering over at 30 with the side eye.  Something tells me this year will be one of reflection and so I plan to use this blog as a way to do that creatively.  A song will always be posted and 99.9% of the time it will be one from my Ipod or ITunes library.  Sometimes, the blog following will focus on a moment in my life.  At other times, it will focus on a thought or a philosophy of mine.  There may be times I decide to just focus on the actual day that I am writing the blog.  All I know is that by the end of this, anyone reading this should have more insight into who I am.