Sorry 2004

"This is my sorry for 2004."- Ruben Studdard

Another hiatus from the blog, but not a hiatus from living. 

This morning, I woke up with an epiphany of sorts that resulted in me determining that karma is totally a bitch.

Years ago, there was a guy who was infatuated with me way more than I was with him. We met while I was in high school, but seeing as though I had a boyfriend at the time, I didn't really notice him. He, on the other hand, appeared to have noticed me the second I stepped on campus as a freshman. Since he was close to a really good friend of mine, our paths crossed at some point and he never failed to express his interest in me regardless of mine or his relationship status. 

So, we get to a point where we have both grown and moved away from home. I lived in Mississippi and he lived in Atlanta. One weekend, we decided he would come visit me where I lived. We hung out, had fun, then one thing led to another and he ummmmm....performed a sex act on me. And while he was going hard, I could NOT get into it or him to save my life. He was neither a bad guy or a bad-looking guy, I just couldn't. Afterward, it was kind of awkward but eventually we got to a place where we just acted like that didn't happen. 

Fast forward to one of my recent debacles and let's just say the tables have turned and I was the one who was way more infatuated and he was the one who phoned it in. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's the fact that I am a woman or a Cancer or just to damn self-aware, I felt the lack of desire on his end, yet still kept going (I am such a Cancer when it comes to pleasing my partner).

In my most reflective moments, I questioned whether he found me attractive and the whole status of our friendships, but based on random text messages, I am assuming we will also safely reach "It Totally Didn't Happen"-ville. 

But oddly I am glad for this morning's revelation because it provided me with perspective from the other side while also allowing me to experience this side. So to that dude who probably doesn't even know that I have a blog, this is my sorry for 2004 or 2005 (Can't remember the year_. You weren't a bad dude. I just was not there with you.