Saturday, March 31, 2012


"Even when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest with an S on my chest. Oh yes, I'm a superwoman."- Alicia Keys

Today I applied window film to the windows above my blinds to discontinue the peep show that I'm sure my neighbors across the street were getting. No more Lane Bryant lingerie fashion shows for you. :P

Anyway, let's just say this exercise took two valiant efforts of which the second was the most successful. It may not be perfect but damnit, I did it myself.

So here is a list of tips I created after the situation to possibly help some other unsuspecting single woman who lives hundreds of miles from her closet male friends and most importantly, her father.

1. If you should ever decide to place window film on your windows, do not get any with the adhesive backing unless the window measures like 3 ft. X 3 ft. Trust me, you are asking for a Lucille Ball-esque disaster of sitcom proportions. Oh and buy the kit to help you put it up.

2. Anything that says it can be put up in a matter of minutes is a damn lie if you're doing this by yourself. I'm tempted to go back to the hardware store and write false advertisement over every box.

2. If you are vertically challenged like myself, it may be wise to invest in the step-stool with three steps instead of two. This was not a problem until I decided 9 ft. ceilings were pretty.

3. However, if you only have the one with two steps, it's time to get the most money out of the highest pair of heels that you trust on a step-stool. For me, it was a pair of boots. But as I said, damnit it got done.

4. There will be many instructions to such an activity. I can also promise you that there will be some improvisation. As long as it looks decent, nobody will be mad at you.

5. Once you complete such a task, call your dad. If he is anything like mine, he will say how proud he is of you. Why? Because no matter how many degrees you earn and jobs you have, your dad wants to know you can take care of yourself. Projects like this make him feel better.

6. If you use your tits and ass to your advantage with the right kind male stranger or fraternity brother, you won't have to worry about the rest of these tips. I swear that's what I'm going to do next time because this was a workout and a half.

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