"Cause I'm alright when I'm with you. Don't have to change when I'm with you. We're both unusually. Both undeniably. We're just perfectly different."-Karina Pasian
So this will likely be the last wedding song blog, but I was inspired to end it with this song after reading this blog about how women pretty much select men by want while men select women based on need. The blogger pointed to the fact that both sexes need to find somewhere in the middle.
This song points to how a relationship, particularly a marriage, should be a complementary relationship. Both people should bring something different to the table. Because honestly, being with someone just like you probably leads to something much like groupthink and we know how dangerous that can be.
For instance, I can be very Type-A at times and I'm the biggest advocate of "planned fun". However, I have learned to appreciate the guy who is more spontaneous and laid-back because he will probably be the one to keep me from taking high blood pressure medication at a young age.
Complementary, appreciative relationships. What a concept.
"I know we can win and you can depend on me through the thick and thin."-Playa
Lyrically, this song really should not apply to a wedding until the 1st chorus. But like all young girls, I had a guilty pleasure and this was it.
In my mind, since this song came out, I always thoughtit would be cool that if I ever got married, this song would be played during the garter part of the reception. It would be even better if the groom's portion of the bridal party did a little routine to it. What's better than a guy stating that he adores you and he plans to be there for you.
Silly, I know, but y'all know I try to keep it light on Friday.
"We got something they can't touch. We found love."- Mariah Carey
Now back to our regularly scheduled program and did you really think I would get through a month of wedding songs without featuring something from my favorite artist.
For that feeling of euphoric love, this goes well for a wedding. It speaks of having that real feeling for the first time and feeling as though the one you're with is irreplaceable.
Also, you have to admit that you can't just go on a joy ride with just anybody. It requires company that you actually enjoy because traveling somewhere with an unknown destination can be frustrating in and of itself. But with the right company, you don't care (much) about gas money or time. You just sit back and enjoy.
"Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me."- Kelly Clarkson
I interrupt my scheduled month of blog posts about wedding songs to address something that has been on my heart since yesterday afternoon and this just may be my most personal blog to date.
Unless, you were hiding under a rock, you heard about Creflo Dollar being arrested for choking his daughter after she reportedly wanted to attend a party at 1 a.m. in the morning. She fought him. He fought back. She called the police. He got arrested.
For most people, the event was just an opportunity to offer up their views on physical punishment. For the most part, most of the people that I follow on various social networks condoned what the pastor did.
However, for me, it was a strange case of deja vu of an event in my life that I would love to never have to remember again. On a Sunday morning in October 1998, I was a teenager doing my homework as my father, the deacon, was getting prepared to go to church. For some reason, on this particular morning, out of nowhere, he declared that I needed to clean my damn room. Mind you, my room was always a mess so this was out of the ordinary for him. So I said something about having to do my homework which on most days he would consider my top priority. But on this day, he decided that if I didn't clean my room that day that I was not going to the homecoming dance that following Friday with my boyfriend whom he refused to even meet or have a conversation with. So he storms downstairs in my house and when I "think" he is out of hearing distance, I muttered under my breath "son of a bitch." Next thing, I knew he flew up the stairs, knocked me down to the floor, choked me and banged my head up. All the while, I was thinking that was going to damn near kill me. He eventually stopped but by the time he was finished, my mother had called the cops. My dad had finished putting on his church clothes when the cops came to the door, handcuffed him and hauled him off to the local police department. My dad's words when the cops arrested him: "I was disciplining my child." I went with my mother to the police department where the sergeant on staff pretty much told me I was a terrible child. My mother and I went home and moved everything from my bedroom to my grandmother's house while nursing a gigantic bump on my head and that is where I lived until I went off to Howard. As for my dad, my mom picked him up from the police department later that day and he never hit me or her again.
Noticed I put the word again. See, I knew what my father was capable of from growing up and watching him hit my mother. My father pretty much used the same maneuvers that he had used on her. However, my mother chose to live with it until he beat the crap out of me. At that moment, she remembered what a doctor said when she told him of the abuse that she was receiving. The doctor asked her if maybe he didn't know he was doing something wrong because he didn't suffer any consequences. As you can see, I was the one he was intending to punish that day, but he learned a lesson.
However, my father learning the lesson did not by any means alleviate any of the effects that the event had on me and quite possibly Dollar's daughter is dealing with similar feelings or consequences as she gets older. I will put forth the main three relationships that may change when your father also happens to be a man of the church.
1) Your relationship with religion/God: On the day that it happened, it really struck me that my father was a man heading to church, was a pillar in the community, and the man everyone found charming and reliable. He was the ultimate churchgoer and in church at least three days a week. At that time, I was already questioning religion as a result of attending churches of various denominations and witnessing the politics. However, after that, the idea that a man of God could hurt me in such a way pretty much ruined my desire to know any higher deity in a Christian church because if that was the Christians acted, they could have it.
2) Your relationship with men: If the first man who is supposed to protect you and support you above else harms you in that manner, it pretty much sets a low threshold for the men to follow in your life. It can also make you form strong opinions about domestic violence and once you've been a victim, you never want to be a victim again. Even if that means hitting your ex-boyfriend. Yep, I did it. And I'm not proud of it.
3) Your relationship with your father: This is pretty obvious. Before and after the incident, I managed to be a daddy's girl. However, I am what you would call a guarded daddy's girl. My father is proud of the Tasha that he knows and yet, I can honestly say he really doesn't know all that much about the woman that I've become since then. Furthermore, any argument or negative conversation that we have always takes me back to that day. In the end, I knew it was more about the boyfriend than anything else and therefore, I fear the next time I will ever get a significant man in my life because I see the way he acts with his other children. So pretty much, I know I can never have open and honest conversations with my dad about my love life. Our discussions revolve around work, my car, and very random areas of common interest.
But in the end, he still loves me and I still love him.
"I want to spend the rest of my life. With you by my side."- Boyz II Men
While living in the lovely quaint city of Hattiesburg, Miss., I got introduced to this song. At the time, a coworker informed me that if she had ever gotten married, this would be her song. And this was when it was a hit originated by the country group Lonestar. Fast forward a few years and one of the best vocal groups of our time covered it. Both renditions are beautiful if you ask me.
On shows such as Sex In The City, when offering advice to a woman on reaching the sometimes seemingly unattainable goal of getting married, women who have seen the finished line often say that the key is to marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
If you find such a man, this is definitely the song to take your last walk down the aisle as a single woman. The lyrics display a man who is completely taken and smitten with the woman he is in love with. And I have actually witnessed a man with that look on his face as his bride walked up the aisle at my friend's wedding a couple of years ago. So yes it is possible to use this song in a real-life situation.
"I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough."- Jason Mraz
This is probably the most recent addition to my wedding song contender list. When I first heard it, it stopped me in my tracks.
While it has a beautiful melody to slow dance too, the major focus of this song is the lyrics. A large part of maintaining a successful relationship or marriage is persistence. I imagine for some people that it can be very easy to walk away. As a matter of fact, by the number of divorces and broken engagements I've seen among people my age, it has proven to be way too easy. Though, as with many things in life, getting somewhere is not always the hardest part, it's staying there.
That's why this song speaks to me in a commitment-phobic world and I find it suitable particularly for a wedding dance. In the song, he says "God knows we're worth it" which means he places great value on the relationship as most people who get married should. Also, he points to the fact that obstacles may come, but he plans to fight them. Quite admirable, I might say.
I will provide this disclaimer going forward that I am a huge advocate of songs that remind the bride and the groom of the work that lies ahead of them.
"Meet me at the altar in your white dress. We ain't getting no younger so we might as well do this."- Jagged Edge
I have a confession to make. While I am not the biggest fan of weddings, the one aspect that I have always cared about since I was little was the songs that were going to be played at my wedding. I am talking about from the walk down the aisle to the bouquet toss to the garter portion, I have probably picked songs for each of these rituals.
So of course when I attend weddings, I am engaged in some serious music analysis and I normally come up with one of two conclusions 1) the people aren't paying close attention to the lyrics or 2) the people do not have an expansive repertoire because I keep hearing the same songs at the weddings I go to.
For instance, the song in this blog. Don't get me wrong, I'll dance to it and it's my jam. However, the lyrics in the song pretty much point to a man marrying a woman because it's the one thing he hasn't done and he's getting older. Oh and by the way, you won't find another man who will tell you all this.
So I have decided to take the month of June and share some wedding-related songs that have caught my attention. I may even focus on some I think have been played too much or I just think are ridiculous for weddings. Hopefully this will motivate me to post more than a few times this month.
