King of Anything

"You've got opinions man. We're all entitled to them. But I didn't ask."- Sara Bareilles

One thing I’ve learned in this life is that being quiet is often seen as a sign of weakness.  Or an invitation to espouse on the direction one’s life should take or the decisions that one makes.

Over the last couple of years, I realize that this behavior has led some of my “friends” to the belief that I obviously have no clue what I’m doing or need some direction.  And very often when they would decide to do this, I just shut down.  This is mainly a result of enjoying peace after being raised with parents who viewed arguing as recreational activity within a marriage.  Nine times out of ten, unless it resulted in me being harmed or losing money, I kept quiet.  This had me regarded as passive aggressive and a pushover.  So the fuck what.

However, as I am nearing thirty, I am realizing that I should enjoy that passive aggressiveness with peace of mind.  If that means taking vacations by myself to avoid allowing people to think they’re in control or need to advise me on everything from what I eat to what’s going on with my car, so be it.  If I’m on a vacation, I don’t want to hear about that.  I especially don’t want to hear about such things from people who are unhappy with their own circumstances.

I came into this world by myself.  I grew up by myself.  Trust, I have figured out how to do a hell of a lot by myself while maintaining my own peace of mind.  I am who I am. I do what I do. If someone don’t like it. To them, I say fuck you.  

I'm Catching Hell

"Cause then you’ll find out that it wasn’t those real big things you loved about him. It was the real small things. You know, things that you’ve seen a thousand times around the house but never paid attention to like helping with the groceries. Helping in the yard and painting and repairing and paying the bills." - Natalie Cole

This blog was inspired by an eight-legged creature and a six-cylinder vehicle. 

Over the past four weeks, I have been traveling back and forth.  On one particular night, I arrived home to a humongous spider in my kitchen.  No one warned me that Columbus and Ohio are apparently very arachnid friendly.  After letting out a very feminine scream, I tackled the spider all by my lonesome. 

Fast forward about a week later and I am getting in my car to go to work knowing that I have a busy weekend of driving and partying ahead of me.  I get in my lovely ten-year old Silver Bullet only for the radio to come on.  While I enjoy a good morning show usually, I would’ve preferred the revving of my engine.  I call AAA.  They determine that my issue is my battery.  Once they get my car up and running, I drive to AutoZone and $100 later, my problem is solved and I go on with my life as planned. 

However, as a woman raised by men who are or were mechanics and handymen, I had several moments where I didn’t want to be solving these problems by myself.  The freedom that comes with living by yourself is great, but it can also turn into a burden when creatures enter your domicile, cars break down or when you have to reach something on the top shelf in a closet with nine-foot ceilings when your height only measures five feet. And sometimes, your back hurts and you just want a massage from someone with strong, massive, masculine hands. 

So while I’m not really making time for men like that, I do want them around sometimes.  If they’re raised right, they do bring something to the table.

I’m a 21^st-century woman raised with some mid 20^th-century values.  It is the hand that I have been dealt. 

Lazy

"Can you forgive me? I know it might sound crazy. But right now, my heart's a little lazy. Tired of opening up, tired of caring."- LeToya Luckett 

So I know that I have not paid enough attention to this blog, but I have been downright busy with Zeta, my family, my friends and my life.  Pretty much, I’ve been living.

Though as much as I’ve been doing my thing, I got asked a question recently that most girls more than likely answer differently.  The question: Why am I single?  The answer: I have not made establishing a relationship a priority as an adult.  Let’s just say the person asking the question was male and his reaction indicated he was a little taken aback.   

But it’s the truth.  Once I became single again almost nine years ago, I focused on my academics, my friends and establishing my first career.  That required a couple of moves and lots of time. In addition to that, I felt it was time for me to give back to the community so I volunteered for Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Then I decided to join the best sorority ever, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.  And after that, I decided that it was time to switch careers.  That required a return to graduate school followed by a fellowship and another move.  Mind you, Zeta and my friends are still a great part of my life throughout all of this. And let’s not forget my family.

Now, there have been guys in my life during that time.  They pretty much could only get in where they fit in. And that story still holds true today.  After a long day, guys typically get the short end of the stick and I admit that.  But they are still not a priority for me.  I invest so much in other areas of my life, that I barely have the time.  And the areas that I do invest in, I’ve gotten great returns.  However, investments in guys and relationships are about as predictable as the stock market in these economic times.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being committed and loyal.

Except when it comes to men.