I Just Wanna Be Your Girl

"I just wanna be your girl/Why won't you just let me be your girl?"-Chapter 8

This morning, I posted a meme that read: "Guys nowadays don't want girlfriends, just want a girl who acts like a girlfriend and is loyal to them while they mess with other females." Some of my FB followers had a moment with that one simple meme.

I can't tell you how many guys I know of that have women in their lives fulfilling many of the roles of a girlfriend without a title. Cooking for them everyday. Running their errands. Stroking their ego. Serving as their second in command. And yes, putting it down in the bedroom as well. And the girlfriend-acting women are lonely while the guy is content. And why wouldn't he be? All of his needs are being met while he manages to pacify the woman just enough.

I've often been told that I'm cold because I don't believe in cooking, cleaning, or handling the affairs of any man that I am not officially dating or in a relationship. I'm sorry but that's like me going to audition for the role of Olivia Pope's best black female friend on Scandal. Now we all know Liv does not have a best friend, she doesn't have black friends at the moment and Abby was her last female friend. Therefore the role does not exist. Also, I am not an actress so I wouldn't be up for it. There is no use in auditioning for a role that either does not exist, nor that you're a contender for. All that to say, this is what these women are doing when the role they are seeking is not for them.

Don't get me wrong, men can be sexy, charming and convincing. But many women deserve better. I recall a story Steve Harvey told about needing a new car while his old car sat on bricks in the driveway. His mother asked him how he expected to be blessed with a new car when his old car was taking up space where it would sit. So he got rid of the old car and guess what? A new car came into his life. Moral of the story: when you're playing the girlfriend role for someone unappreciative and undeserving, that man is taking the space of a man who will treat you the way you deserve. And it actually can go vice versa for the man in the situation as well.

So today's lesson is stop auditioning for the girlfriend role when a casting call has not been put out.

Misses Glass

"See I try to hide the fact that I am just a fragile individual, so I give off this facade that I'm so hard when in fact I'm far from unbreakable."-Leona Lewis

So right now, I am kind of in my feelings. Like every slight is irritating me a little bit more. People find me valuable but are not valuing me. That kind of thing. You know where people value your skill, but not your opinion. 

Right now, "I'm fine" does not mean that I am actually ok. It means that I am eagerly watching the minutes pass by until I get to my next assignment or task and somewhere in between, I'll seek a momentary break watching Empire or some Shondaland show. I may pick up a book that I've been trying to read since Labor Day. That is where I am.

Oddly enough, according to at least one of my friends, I am acting accordingly, at least for me. This friend also referred to me as the "Kem songs of emotions" and a Pokerface. Though the issue is not that I typically have one emotion. That would be nice. No, I have like five in a matter of 20 seconds which displays itself in an effortless stoicism. For example, right now, I am feeling relief that I am purging this somewhere. while also in utter disbelief and fear that someone could actually read it along with the sense of trepidation that my supervisor may peer over my shoulder, and anticipation that this work day come to an end sooner rather than later. That's like four or five in one run-on sentence, but I digress. 

So here I sit, hoping that I don't break anytime soon and hoping to determine when my next chance to escape will take place. But until then, I'm fine.