Looking In

"You look at me and see the girl. Who lives inside the golden world. But don't believe that's all there is to see."-Mariah Carey

One of my favorite shows to watch on television is Scandal and while everyone wants to be Olivia Pope with her style or Cyrus Beane with his cunning, I finally figured out my kindred spirit on the show.At the end of the day, I am most like, wait for it, Jake Ballard.A couple of episodes ago, we were allowed a bit of insight into how Jake Ballard came to be the man we know today. He grew up in a dysfunctional home, went into the military, rebelled, found a family that embraced him like never before and embraced them back fully. In return for that love, he pretty much performs any task requested dutifully out of a sense of obligation, even if it means being thrust into leadership roles he did not sign up for. And why does he get placed into these positions? Well because he is damn good at his job even if he does not desire the power as many of those who surround him do. However, he often has these sense of wanting to escape despite being able to rise to any occasion because sometimes it's just not for him. And last night, he admitted he yearned for the simple life with the woman that he loves. Essentially, if anybody on Scandal is dealing with a severe case of impostor system, it has to be Jake.

So if you have read this blog before, I have told you a little bit about growing up in a home with abuse. From there, I moved to Howard University where I got a degree, sense of myself and great friends. I moved around a bit and then became a member of my sorority. Within my organization, people keep thinking that I know what I'm doing and I can't seem to prove them wrong. Add to that, I keep getting placed in leadership positions when all I want is to be a good, well-informed Zeta. While I have pretty much mastered each one, there is very much a part of me that would appreciate a stint at general membership. One day that will happen.

But being the dutiful, loyal people that Jake and I both are, we just continue to push forward in our respective positions.

Supa

"I can't be Supa all the time."-Chrisette Michele

 Sometimes people label you in a way meant as a compliment, but it only results in you feeling some kind of way that rejects the label like a three-year old rejects that yucky bubblegum penicillin.

That's how I feel about the compliment "super". Why? Because I am already working through the perfectionist standards I place on myself. Others are not needed nor wanted.

Working hard and having discipline come second nature for me. Saying what I mean and meaning what I say also prove not to be challenge. I used to expect these things from others but now I just meet people where they are. However when I ask those same people to not place me on some kind of weird pedestal, they seem unable to do so.

The other problem with being labeled "super" is my perception of the attribute. When people think of you as super, they tend to also think of you as not needing help and it leaves you very little room for public failure that will not be ridiculed. I already put enough pressure on myself. Who needs that?

So there it is. That is why I don't like being called Super. At the end of the day, I know all the work and failings that go into making it apparently look effortless to others. That's not Super, that's just taking care of business.