"Sittin here thinkin' of my yesterdays. Things weren't this crazy. I wasn't so emotional. I didn't cry at commercials. Sometimes I feel like a mess."- Mya
Another birthday has come and gone and typically with each year, I have a goal in mind or say I'm going to work on something. There's a move or I join a sorority (Z Phi!) or attend grad school. Something major is almost always on the horizon for me.
Well, this year, I am seriously working on me-emotional baggage and all.
Why, all of a sudden, you may ask?
Over the past few months, I have become reacquainted with long dormant feelings and habits and let's just say, I don't necessarily like what I see. I don't know exactly what I want, but my actions have been indicating to me that I want more than I've wanted in the past. How do I know this? Because I know how to get what I've gotten in the past and I'm not doing it. (Yes, I'm talking about sex and relationships.) And I'm very much choosing not to do it.
So while I may not be ready to go public with what I'm doing, I am so taking steps I haven't taken before in tackling this. Steps that are leaving me open to exposure and vulnerability like never before. And you know I hate that shit but it has to be done.
So unless something goes horrendously wrong, this blog should be a snapshot of where I am now because I sure as hell shouldn't be in this same place a year from now. Unless I'm just hopeless.