Damn

"Don't start no shit, won't be no shit."- YoungBloodz

So not a huge fan of hip-hop but I had to do this for my favorite Jawja shorty.

This time last week, I was enjoying my last evening of blissful ignorance for I did not know that earlier last Wednesday, one of my closest, dearest friends was in ICU in Baltimore. Not only that, she was in the hospital with what would later be discovered as an aneurysm, multiple blood clots and a mini-stroke.

To say that my heart damn near stopped that Thursday evening when I received the call just may be an understatement.  See, at that point, all I knew was she was in the ICU with an aneurysm and up until then the only word I had ever associated with that condition was death. Mainly because most times I had heard that word, someone had died. Yet, by the end of the night, my fears were partially assuaged.

By Friday night, I had spoken to her and as of today, I've spoken to her three times and even received an email. She's weak and worn and tired. But she has tried to keep a good humor through it all. And she will need that as she recovers physically and mentally. 

So as she works on her memory, I can't help but think of one of my most favorite memories of her. One day we were in an editorial board meeting for our school newspaper having what I'm going to assume was a lively debate. I look over to my Georgia-born friend and she is not singing or even humming, but she is bopping to the beat of this song on the blog. We all knew she loved the song and when we stopped to gaze at her, we knew exactly song was playing in her head.

Instead of the pain and the confused memories, I so wish this song was filling her head right now.

I Choose

"Here I am now looking at 30 and I got so much to say."- India.Arie

I had been planning on doing this blog for a couple of weeks now as I was approaching my 30th birthday, but life got in the way. Somewhere between my friend's visit here, my sorority conference in Chicago, and my birthday celebration in D.C., I just didn't find the time to blog about what turning 30 would mean.

So I was asked several times if I had been hit with anxiety over leaving my 20s and my answer was and is "no." I feel like I did everything in my 20s that I was meant to do. Seriously, I feel that way.

Plus, I have had the opportunity to be surrounded by so many older, fabulous women in my life who have served as mentors, advisors and sometimes even lifelines.  From them, I learned that nobody should be afraid to live and learn and benefit from those lessons. Not that I'm rushing it, but I'm looking forward to the strength with which I will hold my convictions and my beliefs when I turn 40. I feel like 30 is when you can finally speak on some things with a bit of authority and people actually believe you have it. 

Also, I'm also noticing how much more I know "me." I think it does take a few years of living on your own before really knowing the person that you are absent from your family and friends. In knowing me, I tend to speak up more when something won't work for me. I can be honest when situations don't agree with me. I can admit when something is uncomfortable. Hell, I can go out, admit that I'm tired and return to my bed with no remorse of not proving I can hang longer. That's for the 20-somethings. I've already seen the sun set and sunrise on Bourbon St. in New Orleans with no sleep in between for days in a row. I can have an entire weekend of sitting on my ass and be cool with it. And something tells me this is only going to get better.