Happy

"Got my dreams. Got my life. Got my love. Got my friends. Got the sunshine above. Why am I making this hard on myself when there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy."- Natasha Bedingfield

For the past few days, I have been in a good mood. Not that everything is perfect in my life, but sometimes you just feel good and decide to let it ride out.

I've been getting out and about. Got my hair relaxed and it's hanging and swaying like it's supposed to. Hanging out at debate watch parties and comedy shows. Enjoying my company. And when I'm alone, I've been enjoying being by myself. I watched a movie that I had been meaning to see for a couple of years and laughed hard. During this time, I even watched a video that my mom sent me of the family dog just rolling over in the grass like it was the best thing in the world. And I'm not even ashamed to admit I watched it more than once. (Hey, it's not everyday that you see a 10-year-old mutt acting like a puppy.)

There's no rhyme or reason for this mood. Yet, a couple of weeks ago, I was in a hardcore, reflective funk and there was no real rhyme or reason for that either. Yet, if I can ride out that journey, I can enjoy this cruise. And that's just what I'm going to do. :)

Friendship Train

"We've got to learn to live with each other, no, no matter what the race, creed or color"- Gladys Knight & The Pips

I've had the pleasure of loving a black Republican. And when I say a black Republican, I mean a Rush Limbaugh-loving, welfare-bashing, Reagan-loving Republican. That Republican was my grandfather. 

And maybe that's why when I read such FB comments as "all Republicans hate black people" or "the only reason Republicans won't vote for Obama is because he's black", I shudder to think what it must be like for those few black Republicans who do wear their politics on their sleeve. My grandfather was one of those people. Yet back in his day, he could engage in healthy debates. He typically was stubborn, but he never demeaned anybody in his conversations. 

I probably also take offense to the whole inclusive statement thing because I hate when people assume I am a Barack Obama-supporter because of the color of my skin. For the record, I consider myself a moderate. I will vote for the person who I believe will fix shit or won't fuck it up anymore (or at the very least won't invite the second coming of 9/11). While right now I can see plenty of reasons why a person wouldn't vote for Romney, I can also see where a person who doesn't agree with President Obama's stances on various issues would vote against him. That's the thing about voting, sometimes it's not so much a vote for someone as much as it is a vote against something. Trust me, I know. My first presidential election was the 2000 election and my second was 2004. 

I just hope that at the very least, the conservatives and liberals in my life learn how to coexist peacefully for the remainder of this election season because we will have to long after that first Tuesday in November. I'm all for intelligent discussion and sharing viewpoints, but it would just be nice to do it without all the bashing. 

Triumphant

"Can't fall down. Stay triumphant. Keep on living. Stay on your toes. Get off the ropes. Don't let 'em ever count you out."- Mariah Carey

Over the course of the past two weeks, I've sat through some of the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention and watching President Barack Obama accept his nomination brought to mind imagery of this song. The president is not backing down even when polls suggest he could be in for a losing battle.

Working as a journalist for years, my political opinions always were muted in an effort to be objective. For the first time since I could vote, I can watch all of this unfold and vent through social media and this blog. The number one thing that I thought: Anybody can sound like they have all the support in the world when they are preaching to their choir.

Great speeches were made this past week and my timelines were filled with quotes and photos and the like. That's great and all but as anyone can tell you, it won't matter if you don't show up in November. All the rhetoric in the world does not a re-election or election make. Anyone who thinks any speech made over the past week was so great that they can fall back is a prime example of how thinking too highly of anything can lead to an ultimate downfall. More and more work will be needed as the election draws near.

One More Night

"And I be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell."- Maroon 5

This weekend, I visited my parents and grandma with the goal of getting some of the best barbecue ribs in the Midwest. That goal was so met.

However, in the course of trying to get to these ribs, I had a conversation with my mother where she pretty much insinuated that I was having a very active sex life. I neither confirmed nor denied these allegations for I feared that a denial would lead to lesbian questions and a confirmation would lead to other questions. 

The simple truth is I haven't hooked up with anyone in months. Why? Because the older I get, the more I realize that it is harder to have uncomplicated sex. Either someone will want to get more involved, have a higher sex drive or the person you really want in your bed wants someone else. Or you just put yourself in a situation that you know is not really healthy for you mentally or even physically and that leads to what Maroon 5 speaks of in this song. But of course that is the situation that you become addicted to. 

So now I'm at the point where I can look at a guy and in my mind, evaluate whether he is doable and whether I want to deal with any aftereffects. At the moment, that second answer is a resounding "no" for everybody.

Oh What A Night

"Oh what a night, Oh what a night. Straight shots of Patron and a slice of lime. And I got myself too drunk to drive."-Elle Varner

That used to be me, particularly in my mid-20s and when I lived in Mississippi and Georgia. 

Do you want to know what my original plans were for tonight? I was going to have a "me" date after spending last weekend with my sorors and just having a looooooooong week. Seriously I would've lost my head if it wasn't attached to my neck. I know this because I lost everything else. It was definitely time to just enjoy being by myself.

Anywho after earning myself a date with myself, I was supposed to take myself to Mellow Mushroom, watch the Think Like A Man DVD, and end the night with a really great orgasm. Wanna know the only thing that happened? I purchased the DVD.  This date was an epic fail. Only I can find a way to give myself a raincheck. However, I did spend a nice chunk of the time speaking to my friend who had been in the hospital so that's a good reason.

Still, I can't help but think that maybe I need to make more of an effort to get out in Columbus on the weekends. Possibly with shots of Patron or some dark liquor. However, I still plan to make the "me" date happen eventually. I deserve it. LOL!

Tell Me No

"Tell me no and I'll show you I can."-Whitney Houston

Earlier this week, I was reminded why whenever my mother asks me how's everything at my job, I normally just say "good" or fine."

For some reason during this conversation, I actually decided to share with my mom a portion of what I had been thinking recently. And of course, she shot down the idea. 

For some women, their mothers are their biggest supporters in their lives. For me, I would have to say my mother is the biggest naysayer in my life. It's very rare that she will support something as I'm going to it, but she is often the first one to pat me on the back and brag when I have completed the task. 

After years of this, I realize that I shut down as soon as any idea of mine is dismissed or someone puts down anything I put forth that I care about.  I have been noticing it more around friends and even in meetings. If you deem my idea idiotic or treat it as a nonfactor, I pretty much opt not to say anything else.

So now, even though I have boasted on this blog about living a solo lifestyle socially, I think I may move in that direction in a service capacity as well. And who knows what will happen with my job. But trust that just because I'm not say anything, it doesn't mean I'm not doing anything. ;)

Prisoner

"You don't think that I'll be strong enough. No baby now. I won't be the prisoner of your love. I'm just not the girl you thought I was."-Mariah Carey

Yesterday, I had a conversation with an old college friend who is getting married next month. We talked about everything under the sun including her telling the guy that could never even commit enough to be called an official "ex" that she was getting married.

The funny thing is it had been a few years ago when he "decided" to let her go and said she deserved to be happy. Well his very awkward response to her announcement indicated that he may have been eating those words. Of course, he "let her go" but I don't think he thought there would come a day where she would become "permanently unavailable." Yes, "getting married" is heard as "permanently unavailable" to anybody with a strong attraction or affection for you who has any kind of morals. And honestly dude acted like he never expected such a day would come. Oh well.

In some strange way, getting your heart broken hurts like hell during the process but sometimes you come out better. For one thing, being the victim of a breakup pretty much means you are pretty much forced to get over it. And after putting in all that work and possibly therapy, there is very much no sense in returning to the scene of the crime. Also, you were never the one who made the "decision" so you really don't have that to mull over. You eventually become free from the person who placed you in that situation. 

The other person often doesn't get that. Since they are the doer, they must hope and pray that they made the decision with all the finality that they thought they did on their end. And they don't really have anything in the beginning that they initially feel they have to bounce back from. They just better hope no feelings creep up down the line.

So glad to see my friend free of that ish.